Thursday, September 16, 2010

Dear Mother in law,

I get a guilt trip the second my husband is not in the vicinity from you every time you visit. Tonight here was your main points...

-He works too hard
-You need to help him more
-School is taking a lot of out him
-You need to help him more
-You should think about getting a job
-He's so tired
-He's so stressed

Facts to respond to these guilt trips:
Yes, he works very hard. I know this. I appreciate it and tell him every chance I get. I need to help him more? Help him do what exactly? I keep our house and children clean while he's at work. I cook all the meals unless he wants to cook, and he loves to cook so that does happen occasionally. He helps when he gets home. He does dishes from dinner, and does the floors after dinner if need be. On the weekends he does heavy cleaning, yes. He LOVES to clean. It is his way to unwind. Always has been. So yeah, I don't do deep cleaning unless I need to for the most part. I'm chasing 3 kids around the house plus running errands and taking 7 people to and fro with every spare second.
Next point, yes school does take a lot out of him. But guess what? 80% of his school work that is more than 300 words, I do. And ANYTHING requiring long papers or research, I DO! So...yeah!

Oh and the job thing. Lets go there. Reasons it won't be happening, at least within the next six months...
#1 We only have one vehicle for 7 people
#2 We would have to come up with day care facilities for 3 children
#3 99% of the jobs I would find would barely cover the cost of daycare, gasoline and not to mention would put more of the burden on Howard because I'd be BEYOND exhausted when I got home from working all day and had to deal with 3 kids.
#4 My health could not handle it. My thyroid is not working properly therefore, I have NO energy. I am on strict medication for my anxiety attacks that I am still getting used to as you could tell if you looked in my bedroom after this wonderful conversation as I clawed myself into calming down.
#4.5 Oh yeah and social anxiety disorder? Look it up.
#5 You have taken care of my children. You know what they are like when I am not around and then when I come home. Don't you think it would stress out your son to see his children like that?

Not to mention, I have no desire whatsoever to work. None. I would rather be with my children, at home more then do anything in the entire world.

I know my husband is tired. We live in Texas, it's hot as hell outside and he works in it. He works long hours in shitty equipment and I appreciate every single second of it. I know he is stressed too. Our situation is not easy. He has a lot on his shoulders with work, school, family, my health issues, financial woes, my parents, his parents...I know. I do whatever I can to help him de-stress and make things easier on him as much as possible.

I know your son calls you on a daily basis. You say he calls you because he has to talk, because he's stressed and needs someone to talk to. While that may be true, I apologize that you feel that you are taking on my burdens (your words) by having to do that. However, I do not have time to be on the phone as you do, for I have children I am taking care of. I apologize if you feel that I am not being enough for your son and truth be told I'm probably not. Right now all I am trying to do is pull myself and my family out of this dark hole that we are in.

Your son loves you, Our children love you and I love you. But you need to understand that even though you know the events, you don't always know all the information about our situation.

And next time you want to criticize my wifely duties so to speak, take a look in the mirror.


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