A lot can change in a week.

Last week I talked about Parker and how he isn't quite getting the crawling thing down.
He's crawling.
Granted, it's backwards, but dammit he's mobile.

Oh and the teeth thing.
We have a tooth.

It's amazing what a week can do. :)

Morgan

Mackenzie has been asking to see the pictures we have of Morgan.

I haven't allowed it.

The pictures are graphic. Don't get me wrong, she looks like a baby, but she is dark in color and her skin is not in great condition. I don't want to spoil the image of an angel baby that Mackenzie has in her head of Morgan. I don't think her nine year old mind can compute what she is seeing without it traumatizing her.

I may be wrong. I know that Howard thinks she can handle it. And that may be true.

I held Morgan like that. I touched her, kissed her, I couldn't handle it. I can't handle looking at the pictures but not because I'm scared or repulsed. I'm heartbroken. I don't want that for Kenzie, any of it, not yet.

I hope I am making the right decision.

There will come a time when both of our girls, and Parker will see those pictures and understand that they once had another sister but she couldn't stay with us. But I think the verbal explanation and the images that Mackenzie has in her head is good enough for her right now.

I hope I'm right.

I dream of her. All the time. I still see double when I look at Maddie. I've had some double exposed pictures, or some pictures that looks like she has a glowing, floating halo around her. I cry when I see them. Her urn is sitting on the mantle which is right next to my bedroom door. My mom pointed out that there is NEVER a time when I walk through the doorway that I don't touch the urn in some way. I didn't even realize it until now.

Maddie

Oh My Maddie Mo. How I love her so.

She's 3 now. *tear*

She is insanely graceful at times, which just amazes me, I mean I am her mother. But she can be klutzy when she's sleepy.
On her birthday I had to wrestle her to let me do her hair like this. But it was so worth it, don't you agree?

She ADORES her big sister. They love each other to death but bring out the worse in each other. I guess that's understandable. I'm just not used to it. I knew my sister couldn't stand me, but I was 10 years younger. A whole new ballpark of an annoying toddler vs. PMSing teenager then my girls relationship. She has a killer attitude. She loves to tattle on her sister and scream at her when she's pissing her off. Yes, my 9 year old enjoys pissing off my 3 year old. She thinks it's HILARIOUS!

Miss Maddie is very particular about name calling. Daddy is the only one allowed to call her 'Punkers' I am the only one allowed to call her 'Pumpkin Pie' and her sister usually calls her Maddie Mo, which she allows everyone pretty much.
She is very outspoken and speaks very well in large sentences. She has an amazing imagination. She speaks clearly but has a bit of a speech issue with a few words like 'Girl' which comes out as Gore (awesome!). 'World' comes out as word and 'Crocodile' comes out as Quacadile. And 'charlie' comes out as 'Chrrrrlie'. I tell her 'Sorry Charlie' a lot, so every doll gets names Charlie these days. We get a good giggle out of that.
We are still working on potty training. She loves swimming and playing with her dolls. She is getting into disney princesses now. She is majorly into Ariel and Tinkerbell as of late. She sleeps in a toddler bed and is getting more and more liberties as a 'big girl' by the day.

She adores her little brother but is also afraid of him sometimes. He can play rough, so I can understand that. She is truly awesome and it a constant source of entertainment and cuddles.

Parker

Parker is 8 months old today.

A far cry from my previous post where it showed him as a swollen, red newborn, don't you think?

He is a little over 23 pounds.
Very vocal. Says Mama, Dada, Baba, Bubba (his nick name), Grandma (GuhGuh), Nana. But he also growls, screams, squeals, growls some more, grunts very loudly, fake coughs, cracks up and so much more.
He can blow raspberries and loves to spit out his tongue and rumble his lips.

He loves his highchair, Hedwig, his musical inchworm, his jumper and his sisters. He also loves his daddy's silver chain necklace with a cross on it and my face. Yes, you read that right, my face. He grabs my ears or hair and pulls my face towards him so he can chew, suck, bite or lick my face. He loves me.

He is rolling everywhere and trying desperately to crawl but not quite getting there. He can sit up with very little support.

He wants table food something awful but I won't let him have any because he doesn't have teeth yet. Yeah I know, I'm no fun. He LOVES Gerber Banana Orange and sweet potato baby food. Now, you'll notice in the pics he's a bit orange. He was sick, I didn't force the green vegetables. He is NOT a fan.

My little man is growing up SO FAST!

So much

There has been so much going on, I don't even know where to start.

Besides my amazing children things haven't been going that great. Hence, why I haven't posted. I felt like no one wants to read a downer blog. So I didn't think there was a purpose.

But you know what...I need an outlet. So I'm planning on revamping my blog VERY soon and I owe anyone reading an update, like pronto!

It's been 2 weeks

Parker's one month and two days old today. However, it's been two weeks since we brought him home from the hospital.
He was at Dell Children's Hospital for 16 days. Every hour of those 16 days was difficult to even breathe without him here, now it seems like it was a bad dream.
He's home and doing well. There has been so much going on in the past 4 and a half weeks. I'm not even sure where to begin.
Tell you what...I won't.
So here's some pictures...

First picture. 9 pounds 15 ounces.

Intibated and on a ventilator. Being transported to Dell Children's Hospital.

About 14 hours after the previous picture-one day old with his daddy and sissy and obviously breathing just fine.

Two days old-Mommy broke out of the hospital to see him.

And now it's his turn to break out. 16 days old

And finally made it home! He also got to meet his littlest big sister (she wasn't allowed in the NICU because of her age).


His first real bath!


Maddie holding him with big sister helping.

My sweet little ham

Ready for a birth story?

On Wednesday, the 23rd I didn't do jack crap. Seriously. Kenzie had a half day of school, Maddie and I slept in until 10:30. I spent the majority of the day on craigslist selling stuff. I hardly got up at all, but when I did it was only to use the bathroom and to make food for me and the kids.
About 2ish I had a contraction. Which was weird because I hadn't been on my feet and I had drank 2 and a half liters of water-so I was nice and hydrated. Then about 8 minutes later I had another one. And these were not painful in my abdomen at all. I felt pressure like I needed to go to the bathroom and lots of pressure in my back. I continued with 3 more contractions about 8-10 minutes apart while on the phone with Howard. He told me to call my mom and put her on standby considering he was still at work. So I called my mom and she did the typical mom thing, told me to call my doctor. I did, and about now it was 3:20ish and they asked me to come on into the office since they were still open. Okie Dokie.
So my mom and I headed to the doctor and now I remember why I always drive wherever we go together. She drives like an old lady (sorry mom, you do). Anyway, we got there and I was still contracting every 7-8 minutes. My doc checked my urine for protein and there was nothing, which made me feel a lot better. Then they checked my cervix and it was completely closed. But I was having real contractions. On another note, when he checked me, he asked me to lay on my left side afterward and my back popped so many times I almost passed out. It felt WONDERFUL!!!! He decided that he was too concerned if he let me go home that my water could break and that could come with some very serious repercussions. So he wanted to admit me.
My mom and I went downstairs and registered at the hospital. I walked because it felt wonderful compared to sitting (which EVERYONE objected to). By the time I was done with registration and walking up to Labor and Delivery (which took 12 minutes tops) I was sweating profusely. Now, I am not a sweater...ever. My shirt was soaked and it looked like I had rain coming out of my hair line onto my face. I was lovely.
Got up to Labor and Delivery and met some of the most awesomest nurses EVER! Jena, Tanya, Aubrey...they were my comic relief! I got in my room by 5 and between the hours of 5pm and 3am things went like this. Every hour Tanya'd come in give me more morphine or magnesium and try to stop the contractions that were getting closer and closer. I had a cathader put in so I wouldn't walk, they were afraid to check me because I wasn't dialiating but my bag of water was buldging. Tanya was freezing her butt off because we had the A/C cranked down so low (magnesium makes you SUPER HOT!). I was in so much pain by 3 Tanya just had to check me, and when she did, she flipped...I was dialiating. They don't want me to. Then literally they did everything they could to keep me comfortable to wait on Dr. H so he could do the surgery. Howard and I fell asleep at 4, him sitting up at my bedside. I would fall asleep and have a contraction and squeeze his hand. He'd wake up, rub my arm, my head, kiss my hand then we'd both pass out again. We did this every 3-7 minutes for 2 hours.
By 6am I was being prepped. Before I knew it I was being wheeled into surgery by Jena and Jill, the super nurse. Jill is the amazing individual who helped us get through saying goodbye to Morgan. It was comforting to have her there. They had a hard time with the spinal as always and told me that they were one try away from putting me under. I had a panic attack and Jill assured me that she would stand at the door and tell Howard a play by play if this happens and she would not leave us. I was so scared but as the first tear fell, my feet fell asleep. They got the spinal in and down I went.
The entire surgery is a blur. I remember seeing Howard, the ceiling, Howard and the ceiling again. Every time I snapped into somewhat attention I told Howard I loved him. I kept drifting in and out. Dr. H told me that I had very little scar tissue then I passed out. Then I threw up. Then I passed out again. Howard kept squeezing my hand every time I'd pass out to make sure I was still responding. I was wayyyy out of it. Finally I heard, 'here's his head' then I heard the sweetest squeakiest cry. And I was out again. I woke up to Howard telling me 8:02. I thought that was Parker's weight at first, but no it was the time of birth. Then saw a nurse holding the cutest Kenzie look alike ever. I cried then I was out again. Felt squeezing in my hand and a ton of commotion and Howard was laughing. I asked him what was up and he said, 'He's 9 pounds 15 ounces'. The commotion was caused by my Dr. H reinacting the exorcist when he heard the weight screaming, 'WHAT?!?!' as his head jerked around. Out again. Squeeze of my hand a Jill telling me they were taking Parker to the nursery to look him over. Out again. Then I heard Dr. H say, 'Kristin, Ovaries, Uterus and all look very healthy no signs of PCOS. We're starting to close up.' And I was out again. Next thing I knew my doctor was looking into my eyes telling me he was done and Parker was beautiful. Then I started shaking and couldn't stop. But I wasn't passing out anymore. I did that for a solid 45 minutes after surgery.
We didn't hear about Parker for a long time. They wouldn't let Howard go up there, my nurses kept calling about him and we heard NOTHING. Finally a doctor came down and basically just threw it at us that he's breathing but not omitting the right amount of CO2 and he needs to be placed on a ventilator and given a medicine straight to the lungs to straighten the problem out. He needs an umbilical cord IV and their nursery cannot do either of those things and he has to be sent to Dell Children's Hospital and they're already on the way to get him. I lost it. Completely lost it. Jena, my nurse came in the room in the middle of this and of course flipped out at the NICU doc. Saying she should of given us a warning, the nurses a warning and basically called her out on the audacity of keeping the family in the dark and then coming in here and shattering a woman that has just been through major surgery. I was a complete mess. I couldn't even think. Doc left, Jena stayed and continue to calm me down and helped us find out wits, our voice and figure this situation out.
We were able to call the doctor out on her terrible bedside manner with Super Nurse Jena in tow (she had some words of professional courtesy protocol that was overruled as well). And then we were able to ask questions, figure out what was going on and then the Dell transport team brought Parker down to see me before they left. They were so amazing and attentive. They answered all of our questions plus ones we didn't know we had.
I hated that he had to leave me, but I understood. It was a long morning.

The outcome was a beautiful baby boy that looks so much like his sister's it's scary.
Parker Philip
Born: September 24, 2009 at 8:02am
9 pounds 15 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long