I had some stressful days last week but of course it all worked out and things are fine now. Last week was murder on the school front. The two classes I am taking right now are not easy. I just got bombarded with assignments and thought I might throw my laptop at multiple points. I felt myself getting burned out. I have pulled out of it...slightly. I know without a doubt that my 4.0 will no longer be there by the time these classes are done. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing ok. No 4.0 though lol.
As for the job issue- still no word. I am still irked about it. To be honest, I quit thinking about it. Until someone brings it up, asking if I have heard anything and I immediately answer with a sharp, 'no'. I don't mean to be sharp, just a sensitive subject right now.
Mackenzie's 8th birthday was on Saturday (March 21st). We spent the whole day with her doing things she wanted to do which mostly consisted of a very long trip to Gatti Land. Then we went to my moms for a small surprise party and BBQ for her. She was so excited! She did have a good birthday. She hasn't had her party yet because of spring break. Which I must say, I'm sorry is over. I missed her like crazy today.
Maddie's doing...ok. She's still insane and so incredibly funny. She had a rough night last night and a rough day today but is fast asleep right now and probably will be all night *knock on wood* (what?! can't be too careful!).
We rented two movies this weekend. Baby Mama which was a little slow but very cute and Fireproof. Wow, Fireproof. Acting left something to be desired, but the message...wow. Loved the message, and felt more whole after just comprehending it. It's a beautiful movie based on Love, Christianity, family and the love that God has for us. See it!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Deep breaths...
All the sudden, the weight of this whole week just came pouring down like a ton of bricks on me. I have been so stressed this week and have held it all in. And now it's radiating out of my pores!! I am trying to get a grip.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Scared for nothing?
I have never been so scared of the possibility of getting a job in my life. This is a wonderful opportunity that I have brought upon myself that I am being seriously considered for. It could mean wonderful things for my future career and my family. It could help us in so many ways. But I’m not sure I want it anymore. No, that’s not true, I do want it. I just don’t want it right now. Ever since finding out I was pregnant all I can think about is if this pregnancy is going to be high risk because of losing Morgan. How many babies are in there? Can I handle a full time, EXTREEMLY overbearing and stressful job while I’m pregnant? I am so scared I cannot even tell you.
I got relieved when they hadn’t called me or anyone in over a week. Thinking they found someone better and I was getting the brush off. But they called again. Not me, but Howard. It makes me sick to think about the possibility of my schedule if I get this job. I do NOT want to be a part time mom to my infant. Period. That is not me. Howard and I have had issues in the past where we do not want to have kids to have strangers or babysitters raise them while I work, it just doesn’t sit well with me, or him. And to think that may happen, scares me so badly.
I don’t want to talk to anyone about this because I fear that they will be disappointed in me but this is ALL I THINK ABOUT since I found out I was pregnant. Now that the shock has worn out, I am so excited about this pregnancy. I want this baby so badly, and I am so scared that something will go wrong like it did with Morgan. Granted, I don’t have any reason to feel that way. I don’t even know how many babies are in there. I just know I’m pregnant, I feel very pregnant, and I am supposedly 8 weeks along.
I want to tell my loved ones how I feel, but I know my mom’s response will be, ‘Don’t worry I’ll be here!’ Yeah, I know you will be, but guess what? I want to raise my baby! I don’t want to leave Maddie, and I already have lost so much time with Kenzie while she is at school, I don’t want to lose more.
This keeps me up at night, when eventually I will pass out with exhaustion.
I have experienced this before. When Kenzie was a year old, I got a very hectic full time job and the reaction I had as Mackenzie’s mother was terrible. She never listened to me anymore, she never even acknowledged me let alone called me mommy. Yeah, she called my mom Mommy. That hurt. Petty, I know, but it did.
If they call me and offer me the job I will be tempted to decline the job because of these reasons. However, I want this opportunity so bad maybe I should just accept it, work through my pregnancy and then take a leave of absence when the baby comes. I don’t know why I’m stressing about this when I haven’t even been offered the job.
I got relieved when they hadn’t called me or anyone in over a week. Thinking they found someone better and I was getting the brush off. But they called again. Not me, but Howard. It makes me sick to think about the possibility of my schedule if I get this job. I do NOT want to be a part time mom to my infant. Period. That is not me. Howard and I have had issues in the past where we do not want to have kids to have strangers or babysitters raise them while I work, it just doesn’t sit well with me, or him. And to think that may happen, scares me so badly.
I don’t want to talk to anyone about this because I fear that they will be disappointed in me but this is ALL I THINK ABOUT since I found out I was pregnant. Now that the shock has worn out, I am so excited about this pregnancy. I want this baby so badly, and I am so scared that something will go wrong like it did with Morgan. Granted, I don’t have any reason to feel that way. I don’t even know how many babies are in there. I just know I’m pregnant, I feel very pregnant, and I am supposedly 8 weeks along.
I want to tell my loved ones how I feel, but I know my mom’s response will be, ‘Don’t worry I’ll be here!’ Yeah, I know you will be, but guess what? I want to raise my baby! I don’t want to leave Maddie, and I already have lost so much time with Kenzie while she is at school, I don’t want to lose more.
This keeps me up at night, when eventually I will pass out with exhaustion.
I have experienced this before. When Kenzie was a year old, I got a very hectic full time job and the reaction I had as Mackenzie’s mother was terrible. She never listened to me anymore, she never even acknowledged me let alone called me mommy. Yeah, she called my mom Mommy. That hurt. Petty, I know, but it did.
If they call me and offer me the job I will be tempted to decline the job because of these reasons. However, I want this opportunity so bad maybe I should just accept it, work through my pregnancy and then take a leave of absence when the baby comes. I don’t know why I’m stressing about this when I haven’t even been offered the job.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Torn
Pregnancy has been confirmed. They suspect that I am 8 weeks already and my due date is October 20th. I think that's a little off, but once we have an ultrasound we'll be more sure. I am scheduled to go back on the 31st of March to have an ultrasound.
I am a little torn right now about my activities occurring on Thursday.
My mom is going to court, and because she cannot drive (her license is suspended). Her neighbor was going to take her originally but now they are not getting along so well, so I think I may need to take her.
The problem with that is I am supposed to be chaperoning at Mackenzie's field trip to the Texas History Museum that day. Slight problem, because I cannot be two places at once. (oh Hermione, can I borrow your time turner?).
I do NOT want to be absent during Kenzie's field trip but my mom HAS to go to court. I guess my first step is to talk to my mom and see if I actually do need to take her. If I do, I am going to have one disappointed 2nd grader on my hands.
**Update- I have to take her to court. I've been on the phone with my husband all day trying to figure out ways to make it up to her this weekend.
I am a little torn right now about my activities occurring on Thursday.
My mom is going to court, and because she cannot drive (her license is suspended). Her neighbor was going to take her originally but now they are not getting along so well, so I think I may need to take her.
The problem with that is I am supposed to be chaperoning at Mackenzie's field trip to the Texas History Museum that day. Slight problem, because I cannot be two places at once. (oh Hermione, can I borrow your time turner?).
I do NOT want to be absent during Kenzie's field trip but my mom HAS to go to court. I guess my first step is to talk to my mom and see if I actually do need to take her. If I do, I am going to have one disappointed 2nd grader on my hands.
**Update- I have to take her to court. I've been on the phone with my husband all day trying to figure out ways to make it up to her this weekend.
Monday, March 9, 2009
And so it begins
A very busy week and a new...development.
Kenzie's sleepover went great. She came home, exhausted and an absolute mess with a paper bag full of candy, a weird blow up animal and a kite. She called about 3 times while she was there, but did very well.
I am pretty certain that no one from my actual family reads this so I am going to go ahead and blurt this out...
These past few weeks have been very hectic, as you can tell. This past week I have been having a lot of stomach issues. Constantly feeling like I may throw up at any second, lots of heartburn, ect. Not pretty. So, with this going on my husband asks me when AF came for a visit last. Um. January 15th I believe. It is not abnormal for me to be super late or not have a period at all. Hence why we struggled with infertility for three years then got pregnant with twins when we decided to stop trying. I have a loopy cycle and always have. Howard was convinced without a doubt that I was pregnant. I thought he was nuts, truly. He told my mother about his suspicions and on Saturday when I went to my parents house, she handed me a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes and reminded them about my cycle and the stress I've been under, and they just stood there lookin' all smug.
Sunday morning I slept in...big time! I slept through my alarm and missed church and totally was still passed out at 11am!!!! That is really not like me, at all! Maddie was still passed out, but she went to bed after midnight, so that didn't shock me. What did shock me is my husband getting up and setting up the pregnancy test for me, then waking me up completely and telling me to test. I was truly annoyed.
No sooner did I take the test and set it on the counter when the first line got dark and fast. Then the test correction line lit up, much lighter then the other line. Woah, wait...2 lines?! I almost ripped the bathroom door of it's hinges and screamed, 'THERE'S 2 LINES!! I'M PREGNANT!' Howard just smiled. I jumped on the bed holding the test pratically shoving it in his face thinking I am absoutely nuts. Nope, not nuts. Pregnant. After calling my Mom, my 2 BFF's my husband made me recall every symptom I've had and for how long.
-Nausea
-Heartburn
-Indegestion
-Swollen...chest
-My body shape has changed, like huge! I've thinned out around the ribs and waist and am fuller on my hips (God help me)
-REALLY sensitive skin
-Creepy grow a lot nails
-Weird hair condition
-Like major sleep issues (I want to nap every second and I am sleeping so much harder then usual)
Holy crap a batman, I'm pregnant.
So, all day Sunday my husband ran around with a grin on his face like an evil little boy and did happy dances singing, 'Go me, Go me'. Seems someone was trying without me. He's ecstatic. My parents, of course were nothing but excited and supportive. Kenzie is so beyond happy! She hugged me and cried. Maddie just looked at me and said, 'No'. Typical. Howard's parents did the typical. Said it better be a boy and didn't share any excitement. Not surprised at their reaction at all though.
So today at 10am I'm going in as a walk in to a doc and getting it confirmed. According to the due date calculators and things like that on the net, I am due right before Halloween and I am almost 7 weeks pregnant. For the chinease gender predicition charts, I was right in the middle of a boy and a girl month so I have no idea (and I do believe in these because so far it has been completely accurate for my pregnancies).
Oh and if you are wondering about why I said the thing about my family ^ there. Well, none of them know. Just my parents and Howard's parents.
So yeah, I'm pregnant. My week just got more hectic, ha!
Kenzie's sleepover went great. She came home, exhausted and an absolute mess with a paper bag full of candy, a weird blow up animal and a kite. She called about 3 times while she was there, but did very well.
I am pretty certain that no one from my actual family reads this so I am going to go ahead and blurt this out...
These past few weeks have been very hectic, as you can tell. This past week I have been having a lot of stomach issues. Constantly feeling like I may throw up at any second, lots of heartburn, ect. Not pretty. So, with this going on my husband asks me when AF came for a visit last. Um. January 15th I believe. It is not abnormal for me to be super late or not have a period at all. Hence why we struggled with infertility for three years then got pregnant with twins when we decided to stop trying. I have a loopy cycle and always have. Howard was convinced without a doubt that I was pregnant. I thought he was nuts, truly. He told my mother about his suspicions and on Saturday when I went to my parents house, she handed me a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes and reminded them about my cycle and the stress I've been under, and they just stood there lookin' all smug.
Sunday morning I slept in...big time! I slept through my alarm and missed church and totally was still passed out at 11am!!!! That is really not like me, at all! Maddie was still passed out, but she went to bed after midnight, so that didn't shock me. What did shock me is my husband getting up and setting up the pregnancy test for me, then waking me up completely and telling me to test. I was truly annoyed.
No sooner did I take the test and set it on the counter when the first line got dark and fast. Then the test correction line lit up, much lighter then the other line. Woah, wait...2 lines?! I almost ripped the bathroom door of it's hinges and screamed, 'THERE'S 2 LINES!! I'M PREGNANT!' Howard just smiled. I jumped on the bed holding the test pratically shoving it in his face thinking I am absoutely nuts. Nope, not nuts. Pregnant. After calling my Mom, my 2 BFF's my husband made me recall every symptom I've had and for how long.
-Nausea
-Heartburn
-Indegestion
-Swollen...chest
-My body shape has changed, like huge! I've thinned out around the ribs and waist and am fuller on my hips (God help me)
-REALLY sensitive skin
-Creepy grow a lot nails
-Weird hair condition
-Like major sleep issues (I want to nap every second and I am sleeping so much harder then usual)
Holy crap a batman, I'm pregnant.
So, all day Sunday my husband ran around with a grin on his face like an evil little boy and did happy dances singing, 'Go me, Go me'. Seems someone was trying without me. He's ecstatic. My parents, of course were nothing but excited and supportive. Kenzie is so beyond happy! She hugged me and cried. Maddie just looked at me and said, 'No'. Typical. Howard's parents did the typical. Said it better be a boy and didn't share any excitement. Not surprised at their reaction at all though.
So today at 10am I'm going in as a walk in to a doc and getting it confirmed. According to the due date calculators and things like that on the net, I am due right before Halloween and I am almost 7 weeks pregnant. For the chinease gender predicition charts, I was right in the middle of a boy and a girl month so I have no idea (and I do believe in these because so far it has been completely accurate for my pregnancies).
Oh and if you are wondering about why I said the thing about my family ^ there. Well, none of them know. Just my parents and Howard's parents.
So yeah, I'm pregnant. My week just got more hectic, ha!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Random crap
I'm feeling a lot better about the whole Spanish inquisition thing that occurred yesterday. Yeah it was embarrassing, but I'm pretty much over it. I'm also not stressing about the job anymore which is frankly concerning considering I stress about everything. ((I'm so high strung, someone put me out of my misery!))
Totally random, but I so cannot spell today. I've already misspelled occurred, embarrassing and concerning.
Anyway- Kenzie has her first sleepover tonight. I am super nervous about it. I totally trust the parents, I wouldn't trust anyone else with her that's for sure. I know she is going to have a blast. It's just those mom jitters that anyone with a child or a pet knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I am so glad this week is over, but then again I'm like 'waitttttttt! slow down!' Next week is going to be MURDER! With a project due for Kenzie, 4 assignments due for me, a field trip, a court case, and a 'Rodeo Day' at school I'm going to need hard liquor for the next few days.
Totally random, but I so cannot spell today. I've already misspelled occurred, embarrassing and concerning.
Anyway- Kenzie has her first sleepover tonight. I am super nervous about it. I totally trust the parents, I wouldn't trust anyone else with her that's for sure. I know she is going to have a blast. It's just those mom jitters that anyone with a child or a pet knows exactly what I'm talking about.
I am so glad this week is over, but then again I'm like 'waitttttttt! slow down!' Next week is going to be MURDER! With a project due for Kenzie, 4 assignments due for me, a field trip, a court case, and a 'Rodeo Day' at school I'm going to need hard liquor for the next few days.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Beware-I'll puke on you!
Have you ever had to sit in a boardroom and explain in intimate details every relationship you have with your family, siblings and husband?
Have you ever had to sit and describe and explain every brush with the law that anyone in your life currently has had?
Have you ever had to defend your horrible credit?
DID I MENTION TO A PERFECT STRANGER?!?!?!
I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. She was a very nice girl, but the things she asked me literally made my stomach lurch as I talked about them.
If I didn't want this job so bad, I would of walked out.
After all of this, I BETTER GET THIS JOB!
Have you ever had to sit and describe and explain every brush with the law that anyone in your life currently has had?
Have you ever had to defend your horrible credit?
DID I MENTION TO A PERFECT STRANGER?!?!?!
I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. She was a very nice girl, but the things she asked me literally made my stomach lurch as I talked about them.
If I didn't want this job so bad, I would of walked out.
After all of this, I BETTER GET THIS JOB!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I love you
Name at least 20 inanimate objects that you LOVE- in no particular order
- Grape bubbalicious bubble gum. ((seriously it's the best thing on EARTH!))
- True Blood fan fic ((I am soooo addicted!))
- Strawberry Banana Smoothies
- Snow! ((mainly the idea of seeing my children play in it))
- My Mix CD's
- 'Green sauce' ((Mixture of chilies, avocados, sour cream and cream cheese-perfection!))
- The Backyardagains ((SOOOO adorable, I watch them without my kids))
- Celebrity Gossip
- The idea of moving to the North East Coast
- Craft Stores ((I heart Michaels, Hobby Lobby and Garden Ridge))
- Sims ((I'm counting the minutes for Sims 3))
- Football!
- Swimming ((even though I hate the heat))
- Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets
- Vampire Novels
- Diana Palmer ((Yes, she is not in inanimate object, but her books are))
- A whole day scrapbooking *heaven*
- Shrimp ((Can you tell I like food?))
- MY Canon EOS Digital Rebel ((No, I don't own one, but it's still mine. :( It will be one day!))
- Gorjuss Art
Buzz...
I'm going to start out with the update, no updates. I really don't have anything to update on. I still haven't heard about the job, but it's been a week yesterday so I'm just trying to be patient.
Speaking of Jobs, Howard's sucks. Don't get me wrong it's one of the easiest jobs on earth but the company is failing. There is also a moral issue Howard is dealing with considering he just found out that 5 of the current employees are leaving the company within the next 2 weeks because of a raise freeze or a change in their employment (such as having to now pay for health insurance and getting dropped from salary to hourly pay). Also, he figured out that his boss is profit sharing which is illegal.
I am done with my second class, and I haven't relieved my final grade yet so I'm anxious about that. I started 2 classes on Monday. I'm a little overwhelmed but I think once I get organized I'll be ok.
The next few weeks are going to be so hectic! We have birthday parties, school projects, countless assignments, field trips, appointments, sleepovers, court dates and an hour loss of sleep per night to boot.
Just this week alone (Wednesday-Saturday) we have a school project, 4 assignments for me, 4 assignments for Howard and a sleepover. Don't even get me started on next week!
Speaking of Jobs, Howard's sucks. Don't get me wrong it's one of the easiest jobs on earth but the company is failing. There is also a moral issue Howard is dealing with considering he just found out that 5 of the current employees are leaving the company within the next 2 weeks because of a raise freeze or a change in their employment (such as having to now pay for health insurance and getting dropped from salary to hourly pay). Also, he figured out that his boss is profit sharing which is illegal.
I am done with my second class, and I haven't relieved my final grade yet so I'm anxious about that. I started 2 classes on Monday. I'm a little overwhelmed but I think once I get organized I'll be ok.
The next few weeks are going to be so hectic! We have birthday parties, school projects, countless assignments, field trips, appointments, sleepovers, court dates and an hour loss of sleep per night to boot.
Just this week alone (Wednesday-Saturday) we have a school project, 4 assignments for me, 4 assignments for Howard and a sleepover. Don't even get me started on next week!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The lull
Ok so the jinxing got worse. There is nothing better then a 3:30am Jail phone call.
That did get worked out, thank God.
The next few days were the norm. Nothing overly special. I was being pulled into the jailbirds drama, but got out successfully, relatively untouched.
Saturday was an awesome day. We woke up and it was cold and windy. I had a roast cooking overnight to do pulled pork so the whole house smelled heavenly all day! We wanted to get out of the house so we took the girls to the park. Everyone said they'd get sick, but they're fine lol. We had a blast. Then we came home and an hour after we got home, we realized that the oven had been turned off. Nice, huh?! Anyway, so that set us back for 2 more hours. During those last hours my mother in law called the husband and asked if we wanted company. So, they came up and spent the night. It was nice to see them but I was so ready for them to leave. I love my mother in law but there was not a sentence that came out of her mouth that she wasn't complaining about SOMETHING. That really weighs on you after hours of it.
I finished my final project and got it turned in, which was a huge relief.
So something I didn't really let out-
My board interview went wonderful. I was way too honest and had them laughing within minutes. They seemed to like me because they asked me to wait out in the lobby while they talked, immediately called me back in, shook my hand and said 'Congratulations! We'd love to move on with the process with intention to hire' what?what?WHAT?! YAY!!! I was so excited! So now they are doing a background check on me (which I am happy to say is nothing but bad credit and a minor accident in '02). I was told that I should hear back by the Background Officer within a week. That will be Tuesday. So...time will tell.
That did get worked out, thank God.
The next few days were the norm. Nothing overly special. I was being pulled into the jailbirds drama, but got out successfully, relatively untouched.
Saturday was an awesome day. We woke up and it was cold and windy. I had a roast cooking overnight to do pulled pork so the whole house smelled heavenly all day! We wanted to get out of the house so we took the girls to the park. Everyone said they'd get sick, but they're fine lol. We had a blast. Then we came home and an hour after we got home, we realized that the oven had been turned off. Nice, huh?! Anyway, so that set us back for 2 more hours. During those last hours my mother in law called the husband and asked if we wanted company. So, they came up and spent the night. It was nice to see them but I was so ready for them to leave. I love my mother in law but there was not a sentence that came out of her mouth that she wasn't complaining about SOMETHING. That really weighs on you after hours of it.
I finished my final project and got it turned in, which was a huge relief.
So something I didn't really let out-
My board interview went wonderful. I was way too honest and had them laughing within minutes. They seemed to like me because they asked me to wait out in the lobby while they talked, immediately called me back in, shook my hand and said 'Congratulations! We'd love to move on with the process with intention to hire' what?what?WHAT?! YAY!!! I was so excited! So now they are doing a background check on me (which I am happy to say is nothing but bad credit and a minor accident in '02). I was told that I should hear back by the Background Officer within a week. That will be Tuesday. So...time will tell.
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