It's been 2 weeks

Parker's one month and two days old today. However, it's been two weeks since we brought him home from the hospital.
He was at Dell Children's Hospital for 16 days. Every hour of those 16 days was difficult to even breathe without him here, now it seems like it was a bad dream.
He's home and doing well. There has been so much going on in the past 4 and a half weeks. I'm not even sure where to begin.
Tell you what...I won't.
So here's some pictures...

First picture. 9 pounds 15 ounces.

Intibated and on a ventilator. Being transported to Dell Children's Hospital.

About 14 hours after the previous picture-one day old with his daddy and sissy and obviously breathing just fine.

Two days old-Mommy broke out of the hospital to see him.

And now it's his turn to break out. 16 days old

And finally made it home! He also got to meet his littlest big sister (she wasn't allowed in the NICU because of her age).


His first real bath!


Maddie holding him with big sister helping.

My sweet little ham

Ready for a birth story?

On Wednesday, the 23rd I didn't do jack crap. Seriously. Kenzie had a half day of school, Maddie and I slept in until 10:30. I spent the majority of the day on craigslist selling stuff. I hardly got up at all, but when I did it was only to use the bathroom and to make food for me and the kids.
About 2ish I had a contraction. Which was weird because I hadn't been on my feet and I had drank 2 and a half liters of water-so I was nice and hydrated. Then about 8 minutes later I had another one. And these were not painful in my abdomen at all. I felt pressure like I needed to go to the bathroom and lots of pressure in my back. I continued with 3 more contractions about 8-10 minutes apart while on the phone with Howard. He told me to call my mom and put her on standby considering he was still at work. So I called my mom and she did the typical mom thing, told me to call my doctor. I did, and about now it was 3:20ish and they asked me to come on into the office since they were still open. Okie Dokie.
So my mom and I headed to the doctor and now I remember why I always drive wherever we go together. She drives like an old lady (sorry mom, you do). Anyway, we got there and I was still contracting every 7-8 minutes. My doc checked my urine for protein and there was nothing, which made me feel a lot better. Then they checked my cervix and it was completely closed. But I was having real contractions. On another note, when he checked me, he asked me to lay on my left side afterward and my back popped so many times I almost passed out. It felt WONDERFUL!!!! He decided that he was too concerned if he let me go home that my water could break and that could come with some very serious repercussions. So he wanted to admit me.
My mom and I went downstairs and registered at the hospital. I walked because it felt wonderful compared to sitting (which EVERYONE objected to). By the time I was done with registration and walking up to Labor and Delivery (which took 12 minutes tops) I was sweating profusely. Now, I am not a sweater...ever. My shirt was soaked and it looked like I had rain coming out of my hair line onto my face. I was lovely.
Got up to Labor and Delivery and met some of the most awesomest nurses EVER! Jena, Tanya, Aubrey...they were my comic relief! I got in my room by 5 and between the hours of 5pm and 3am things went like this. Every hour Tanya'd come in give me more morphine or magnesium and try to stop the contractions that were getting closer and closer. I had a cathader put in so I wouldn't walk, they were afraid to check me because I wasn't dialiating but my bag of water was buldging. Tanya was freezing her butt off because we had the A/C cranked down so low (magnesium makes you SUPER HOT!). I was in so much pain by 3 Tanya just had to check me, and when she did, she flipped...I was dialiating. They don't want me to. Then literally they did everything they could to keep me comfortable to wait on Dr. H so he could do the surgery. Howard and I fell asleep at 4, him sitting up at my bedside. I would fall asleep and have a contraction and squeeze his hand. He'd wake up, rub my arm, my head, kiss my hand then we'd both pass out again. We did this every 3-7 minutes for 2 hours.
By 6am I was being prepped. Before I knew it I was being wheeled into surgery by Jena and Jill, the super nurse. Jill is the amazing individual who helped us get through saying goodbye to Morgan. It was comforting to have her there. They had a hard time with the spinal as always and told me that they were one try away from putting me under. I had a panic attack and Jill assured me that she would stand at the door and tell Howard a play by play if this happens and she would not leave us. I was so scared but as the first tear fell, my feet fell asleep. They got the spinal in and down I went.
The entire surgery is a blur. I remember seeing Howard, the ceiling, Howard and the ceiling again. Every time I snapped into somewhat attention I told Howard I loved him. I kept drifting in and out. Dr. H told me that I had very little scar tissue then I passed out. Then I threw up. Then I passed out again. Howard kept squeezing my hand every time I'd pass out to make sure I was still responding. I was wayyyy out of it. Finally I heard, 'here's his head' then I heard the sweetest squeakiest cry. And I was out again. I woke up to Howard telling me 8:02. I thought that was Parker's weight at first, but no it was the time of birth. Then saw a nurse holding the cutest Kenzie look alike ever. I cried then I was out again. Felt squeezing in my hand and a ton of commotion and Howard was laughing. I asked him what was up and he said, 'He's 9 pounds 15 ounces'. The commotion was caused by my Dr. H reinacting the exorcist when he heard the weight screaming, 'WHAT?!?!' as his head jerked around. Out again. Squeeze of my hand a Jill telling me they were taking Parker to the nursery to look him over. Out again. Then I heard Dr. H say, 'Kristin, Ovaries, Uterus and all look very healthy no signs of PCOS. We're starting to close up.' And I was out again. Next thing I knew my doctor was looking into my eyes telling me he was done and Parker was beautiful. Then I started shaking and couldn't stop. But I wasn't passing out anymore. I did that for a solid 45 minutes after surgery.
We didn't hear about Parker for a long time. They wouldn't let Howard go up there, my nurses kept calling about him and we heard NOTHING. Finally a doctor came down and basically just threw it at us that he's breathing but not omitting the right amount of CO2 and he needs to be placed on a ventilator and given a medicine straight to the lungs to straighten the problem out. He needs an umbilical cord IV and their nursery cannot do either of those things and he has to be sent to Dell Children's Hospital and they're already on the way to get him. I lost it. Completely lost it. Jena, my nurse came in the room in the middle of this and of course flipped out at the NICU doc. Saying she should of given us a warning, the nurses a warning and basically called her out on the audacity of keeping the family in the dark and then coming in here and shattering a woman that has just been through major surgery. I was a complete mess. I couldn't even think. Doc left, Jena stayed and continue to calm me down and helped us find out wits, our voice and figure this situation out.
We were able to call the doctor out on her terrible bedside manner with Super Nurse Jena in tow (she had some words of professional courtesy protocol that was overruled as well). And then we were able to ask questions, figure out what was going on and then the Dell transport team brought Parker down to see me before they left. They were so amazing and attentive. They answered all of our questions plus ones we didn't know we had.
I hated that he had to leave me, but I understood. It was a long morning.

The outcome was a beautiful baby boy that looks so much like his sister's it's scary.
Parker Philip
Born: September 24, 2009 at 8:02am
9 pounds 15 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long

33 and 34 weeks

**Ok, so I started this entry off with what happened at last week's appointment...So taking you back to last Thursday-

Well, we made it to 33 weeks!
I was running late all day with family crap that had nothing to do with me. But I did eventually pull it together to get to the doctor on time.
They called us back for an ultrasound within a few minutes.

Random mental picture to make you smile: My 2 year old is running around wearing a too small purple fish shirt, too big gray sweat pants, Elmo slippers and a tutu...on her head.

Anyhoo-
The wonderful Judy who was doing my ultrasound found Parker head down, which is great news! She started measuring him and his organs and according to all the measurements he is 41 weeks and 2 days. And she is assuming that he is about 8 pounds. And I'm 33 weeks...eek! She got great shots of his organs and pointed everything out for us. Then we saw him randomly arching his back then relaxing. Of course, my head popped off the table out of concern. She laughed at me (normal occurrence, trust me) and said he was just practicing breathing, which is a great sign of good health. She said it is rare to catch it on an ultrasound so she'll make sure to let Dr. H know. She measured the fluid and said he does have some excess that is more then likely caused by the gestational diabetes. Although my sugars haven't been terrible, they haven't been perfect either. So that's a concern.
I get back to the doctor with Howard and I gained 3 pounds. I have some swelling in my feet and hands but BP is good. Dr. H measures my belly and I'm measuring at 43 weeks. He started me on some diabetes medicine to help with the extra fluid. He wants me to start having non stress tests to check Parker's heart beat and make sure he's not under stress and have a weekly ultrasound until I deliver.

Now onto today's visit...
I went to today's alone. I know that is a huge no no, considering I shouldn't be driving but my mom was too sick to take me and Howard had to be at work. I got there early (GO ME) but Nurse J (Dr. H's fantabulous nurse) ushered me back to the NST room.
I spent a lot of time in this room with the twins. It has 2 comfortable recliners, soft lighting, dark wood furniture and black and white photos of pregnant women and newborn babies. Nurse J hooks me up to the monitors and leaves me be. I lay in there for about 10 minutes when I realize I can't reach my purse without moving and I want Howard to hear Parker's heart beat. So I reach down and grab it and call him. While I was on the phone the monitor all the sudden goes nuts and starts beeping, although his heart beat has been fine and hasn't faltered at all, no matter how hard he kicks it lol. My doctor comes walking in and fixes the beeping, machine error. So I have to end up being on the NST monitors for 30 minutes. Came out with a great result, his heart was beating loud and strong and my doc saw no signs of distress or cause for worry.
The ultrasound went well. Checking his organs, size, fluid, all that jazz. She caught him practicing breathing again. She said that basically they are checking to make sure that all of his organs are good and checking his wellbeing for delivery. He passed with 10/10, so that made me feel a lot better. Still have excess fluid but about the same as last time. She got a good shot of the profile, and he looks just like his daddy.
Then it was time for the regular appointment and I lost 4 pounds. BP was good, but they Nurse J and Dr. H noticed my legs were a little swollen. My hands are good though. He measured my belly and raised his eyebrows. I'm up to measuring at 47 weeks. Still no cervical check (which in a way I am grateful for, it hurts) but that is soon to come. He said if I start having any intense contractions or I even think I may be leaking fluid I need to come in immediately. My uterus is literally going to pop like a waterballoon when that time comes. I swear, with the excess fluid it's going to be like Parker's very own slip-n-slide.

Next appointment-Thursday September 24th with another NST, ultrasound and OB Check.

Any guesses how long Mr. Parker is going to stay in there?

Bummer

I need to update on my doctor's appointment, I know but I have to get this off my chest.

My sister is throwing me a baby shower this Sunday. I am very excited because it is my first baby shower. I'm not the one hosting it of course, so I don't know who all is going to make it and who's not but I am thinking that there is a lot more no shows then attendees coming. That kinda bums me out. The only people I know for sure are coming is my cousin's (3), aunt, sister, mom, Danielle, mother in law...that's it.

Now the 'shower' I was throwing at my house is actually a friend's luncheon type thing. A lot of my high school friends have not been to my home since I moved away in 2005. We're having lunch and all that good stuff. My oldest friend, Danielle can't make it to that one (but she's coming to my sister's) because she's moving into her brand new house, so it is TOTALLY understandable. Not bummed at all about that, too excited for her. BUT, no one. NO ONE else has RSVPed. Not a single person. So right now we have myself, Howard and my mom.

I am extremely bummed by this. I have decided that I am going to email all of them, in a group email on Monday if I have not heard anything from them by then. Doesn't stop me from pouting about it though. I hope my suspicions are wrong, on both accounts.

9 is not my lucky number

On Labor Day I had some MAJOR contractions while in walmart. Now, no stone throwing. I'm still on moderate bed rest. Which means not being on my feet for more then 20-30 minutes. And I wasn't...but I still contracted. The pressure I felt in the worst possible area, o-m-g. I had promised Howard that if I had more then 4 real contractions within an hour that I would call my doc. I didn't get past 4. But then I had a ton of Braxton Hicks afterward but they didn't hurt at all.
Tuesday I felt awesome. Seriously. I was in very little pain and Parker was nice and high so I didn't have much pressure. I felt great!
This morning I woke up and I felt ok. Parker had lowered a bit so the pressure was back, but not as bad as it normally is.
Oh hey...random piece of info...it's raining! (a rare commodity these days).
Anyway, Kenzie went to turn on the usual lamp in the living room and it didn't come on. Which would normally would not be an issue but since we had just put an energy saver bulb in it that is supposed to last 5 years we definitely questioned it. Howard couldn't mess with it because he had to get Kenzie to school so I decided I'd mess with it later.
A few hours go by and I get Maddie up and go to mess with the lamp-still doesn't work. But then Maddie calls my attention away. Within seconds there is this horrid smell that smells like melted plastic. Maddie stands next to the lamp and says it stinks. I run over to it and realize that I must of left the lamp on the 'on' setting and turned it off. Smell goes away. Then I realize that the top of the end table is wet. Really wet. And so is the side of the couch. And so is the lamp shade. And so is the photo album on the table. Then, I looked up.
16 months ago we had a seam in the living room burst open and ruin the back of our microsuede sectional. And guess what happened again?
Yep, and so much worse.

Our just months old end table is water logged. The lamp and lamp shade looked like gonners (but have been saved!), The couch was cleanable and the photo album was trashed. However, the pictures were rescued without incident.

Took apartment maintenance over 4 hours to come and look at it and stop the water. It was a condensation line that had burst, yet again.

Things have gone pretty much downhill from there. And still going.

31 weeks and 6 days

31 weeks and 6 days with Mackenzie I went into the hospital with premature labor. They were able to stop it but at that point I was dilated to a 4 and so uncomfortable. I was on full bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.

31 weeks and 6 days with Morgan and Madison I went into full blown labor and ended up having my twins before 4pm that day.

Today I am 31 weeks and 6 days with Parker. I had some 2 real contractions this morning after going up and down stairs three times. In the middle of them Howard texted me asking me if I was ok.

Every day, every hour, that I stay pregnant from here on out is a blessing. Better lungs, better reflexes, stronger baby.

I will not go to the hospital today.
I will not give birth today.
I will not have any more contractions today.

Well, that last one is probably not true. But the rest of it sure is.

Are you going to make it?

That's the first thing Dr. H said when he touched my abdomen on Friday afternoon.
His concern was stomping all over his face.

I gained 3 pounds, my first weight gain in this pregnancy.
BP was good, which has been a concern...I've been swollen.
They checked me for a UTI, which has also been a concern because of where my pain is located in my lower abdomen.
My doctor came in, and even though I hadn't said a word about my contractions or my pain he immediately asked me if I was going to be able to make it another 6-7 more weeks (as opposed to 8 more weeks which is when my c-section is scheduled).
I just looked at him, and he said that he would ask me again when he saw me in two weeks.

I'll be blunt...he's concerned.

Why?
Medically the baby and I are just fine. I am in physical pain but nothing seems to be wrong, seems to be a muscle or a ligament issue.

My uterus is currently measuring at 42 weeks. Yeah....42 weeks. Did I mention I'm only 31 weeks?

Howard and I explained the contractions, I told them about the frequency of braxton hicks and the dozen or so real ones that had no consistency to them. He, once again, told me to trust my judgment because he trusts me. Call him if I'm concerned and if I'm not, then rest, rest and more rest.
He told me above all to take it easy. No more then 30 minutes at a time on my feet (I shall powerwalk through the grocery store, it shall be hilarious).

I learned something new today. He discussed my c-section with his partner (Dr. B) who assisted in the c-section with the twins. They are hoping that Parker will turn either breech or head down. Why does that matter when I'm having a c-section? Well, if he is head up or down then they are going to give me a traditional bikini cut on my uterus instead of the vertical one like I had with the twins. If Parker is transverse (sideways) we will have to go with the vertical incision again. Which will mean a longer time in surgery and more recovery time.
I didn't realize that a bikini cut on my uterus was even possible now that I had already had a vertical. I am super freakin happy about that!

Even happier when my Dr. H realized that Parker has turned and is now breech! Dr. H truly doesn't think he will turn again because he's running out of room. Big time.

So, next appointment is September 10th with a check (ick) and an ultrasound.

Week 1- Survivied-barely

Last Saturday we took my sullen Brother in law home, went to eat endless pasta at Olive Garden and saw a sight we never thought we'd see again. Rain. It rained while we were driving and my heart stopped. I love rain.
Saturday night and Sunday we finally got our house back to normal. And then it was just...us. No house guests, no roommates, just us. I could not stop smiling. Seriously, I looked like the joker.

Monday came around and it was Kenzie's first day of 3rd grade. She was so excited and refused to wear the dress she had picked out (and let me tell you this child LOVES dresses) and wore her school shirt instead.
She looked way too big. I truly love this picture though.
She had an amazing day. She was a bit quiet on the way home, because frankly she was exhausted. But she loved it! Her week has continually gotten better and better and she is really enjoying 3rd grade so far. Of course, they haven't started homework either. Her teacher is awesome, sending me daily email notifications of how the day went and what they accomplished. I am now officially an 'at home' helper. Considering my lack of mobility, I'm so glad that I can help!

Maddie is doing well with the adjustment. Monday was odd for her. I woke her to take Kenzie to school on her first day (and yes, I cried, I do every year) but Maddie didn't cry when her sissy left us. She was ok. She didn't have a nap so her sleep schedule was beyond wonky. Since then it has improved a ton! Hence, I was 10 minutes late for putting her down for her nap and she fell asleep on the couch on her own yesterday. So sleeping is going smoothly so far. YES! She misses her sister, no doubt. She would rather go to school with her, and asks if she can every morning. She's adapting.

I'm not.
Emotionally I'm fine, although I will admit...I miss Kenzie so much when she is not here. Physically, not so great. I have been having this lower abdomen/lower ligament pain that is becoming increasingly more and more uncomfortable. I gasp in pain when I lift my right leg to slide a flip flop on. Literally lifting my right leg at all, even taking a step with that leg creates shooting pain in places no one should have pain as well as my leg, hip, back and lower abdomen. The thing is, it's even worse when I am laying down, trying to turn from one side to the other or just changing positions of my leg. The pain is much more severe.
My back of course is still killing me, but every other day back rubs al la tennis ball seem to be helping a lot. I am having trouble showering while standing and there is no way my whale butt is going to try to get in the tub. So every day when that time comes around, I literally throw a mini tantrum in my head. Mostly. It's pretty darn painful to drive as well. Climbing in and out of the car is a great effort and my belly is getting very close to the stearing wheel. The days of driving for this human oven are coming to a close.

Parker seems to be doing just fine, still moving quite often. I think he may of turned either totally breech (he was transverse-sideways) or head down, who knows. Doesn't really matter since he's not coming out the old fashioned way, but it would help on the pain...I think. I have a doctor's appointment today for a basic check. I have had a lot of braxton hicks and over a dozen real contractions. Which of course, scares the hell out of Howard.

I have officially chilled

After I was able to get some sleep that didn't involve waking myself up with myself sobbing in pain (yes, I've done that often the past few weeks) I finally feel a little bit rational.
Pregnant...rational...trust me, I'm in shock.

My brother in law, who in truth has done nothing really wrong (however annoying) will be leaving sometime Saturday. I managed to keep from actually snapping my twig at him even though everything he did bothered me at no fault of his, lol.

Along with the sleep, my husband finally was able to give me a back rub which helped immensely. After moving my parents in last weekend he was too sore to move, so it was me giving him back rubs. Then we kept going to bed so late and had a ton of school work. There were just too many obstacles in the way from my back rubs. And if you have ever been largely pregnant with sciatic nerve pain you know how important they are. Literally I had a hard time walking to the kitchen and back to sit on my bed...let ALONE sit on the couch.

Last night we went to Kenzie's school and met her new teacher. She has a very sweet teacher this year, like every other year and I know that they are going to love each other to death. Kenzie already felt comfortable around her to hug her goodbye at last nights open house. A lot of Mack's reservations have calmed and now she's a bit excited to go back to school, which makes me feel better too. The change is mostly going to be with the schedule and Maddie. Maddie is going to miss her sister so much! I'm going to miss her too, Kenzie and I have spent 98% of this summer together. I'm curious to see what Monday brings.

Oh please

Please Jesus, Santa Claus or Hare Krishna...
GIVE ME MY HOUSE BACK!
We have not had our house to ourselves since the beginning of June.
My in laws were in town every weekend
Then my mother in law stayed for over a week
Then my parents moved in the day after she left
They moved out on Friday into their new apartment
And now my brother in law is here

My husband doesn't seem to get it, because it doesn't inconvenience him in any way. I am trying to do homework, make phone calls, watch presentations, write hard ass papers and I'M PREGNANT! And I cannot go into MY bedroom and sit on MY bed without him being in here.

I desperately need a break and I am so totally losing it. Howard mentioned him staying through the weekend and possibly another week. He will not physically be a man by the end of the weekend if we still have a houseguest.

The 29 week ultrasound

Almost 3 years ago, I had another 29 week ultrasound. The tech was measuring my twins. Seeing Maddie wiggle around, significantly bigger then Morgan. Everything looked fine on both babies, then she went to find the heartbeats. Found Maddie's thumping away and Morgan's solid little torso with no recognizable heartbeat.
3 years ago at my last 29 week ultrasound I found out that my sweet Morgan had passed away. And immediately worried for Maddie's safety.

Today is my 29 week ultrasound for Parker and he has been kicking me all day. Thank you little man for the reassurance. I will feel so much better when I get to the doctors and hear his heartbeat and see him dancing on the screen for us. To see him safe...and thriving.

Decisions & Pregnancy are a bad mix

I am at a loss. Now I know why I am on my third pregnancy and have never had a baby shower. Pregnant women don't do decisions well.
Ok, so since this is more then likely my last pregnancy my family and I really want to have a baby shower. I've always wanted one, and never had one. First pregnancy was a teen pregnancy...and...yeah. Second pregnancy had one scheduled but I canceled the plans for it when Morgan passed away, I just couldn't do it. We did have a welcome home party for her though. It was nothing like a baby shower though. My sister made dinner, my family came, one friend and my mother in law we ate and they all got to see Maddie when she came out of the hospital.
Howard wanted to throw one for me this time around. I know that is not proper ettiquite but he's my husband, and most men don't want to be a part of this type of thing, anyone who knows him KNOWS he is not most men. He figures he knows what I like and what I don't like. He would be able to be a part of the baby shower (because he does actually want to be) but still be able to make sure it ran smoothly.

But now a wrench has been thrown into it and I am not sure how to proceed. While having lunch with my sister the other day my sis mentioned throwing a shower for our pregnant cousin. My mother immediately asked about a shower for me. Now, I love my sister but we are not close by any means. At all. I frankly didn't want to ask her for anything, and now my mother has her thinking she needs to throw a shower for me and of course being the politically correct person she is, she agreed immediately.

So, she wants to throw a shower for me on September 20th (no she did not ask me about the date, but that is the only time she has time to do it). This will not work for many reasons. My 4 besties from high school are not able to make that date because they are going out of town. Not only that but they ARE out of town so on a Sunday they would have to drive here then straight back then deal with work and school on Monday morning. Not too fair. My oldest bestie is moving into her brand new house either the weekend before that OR THAT WEEKEND so she wouldn't be able to make it either!

So what do I do?
Do I tell my sister 'Thanks but no thanks' and have her offended and my family won't show up at my shower if I throw one?
Do I just allow her to throw it and just deal with the fact that my friends won't be able to make it?
Do I have the shower thrown by her then throw another one that will work for my friends schedule? 2 showers?

ANYONE who has an option on this, pleaseeeeeeeeee give me a piece of it. I need help, maybe professional help.

ok-finally

Alright, so the last weekend of June.
We went out of town to celebrate Howard's grandmother's 80th birthday. We left on Friday morning and drove there (took about 3 hours). We got to our hotel and got checked in (worth every cent of the $103 we paid). Howard's aunt had her grandsons (ages 10 & 7) coming into town from north Texas, and the oldest's birthday was Friday. So, we decided to have a little pizza/pool party at our hotel for him. So...off to the pool...

Punkin Pie, cheesin it up!

She LOVED the water!

She had an absolute blast! Oh and the redhead, back of the head you see here, is the birthday boy, Kristopher. Oh and the floatie thing behind Kenz...that was for Maddie and she wouldn't get in it-in the pool at least.

She was trying to give me the peace sign-my camera cut it off.

After fun at the pool we went back to Howard's aunt's house and had pizza and spent time with them, had a little party for Kristopher. Had a ton of pizza and finally headed back to the hotel for much needed baths and relaxing.

See, after bath time she got very friendly with the floatie and everyones faces got friendly with the noodle she was flaring around hitting everyone with.

Kenzie loved having that big bed all to herself. This is what she did until she passed out.

And this happened just minutes after the floatie attack. She was zonked out. I talked on the phone, watched TV, played with Kenzie and she didn't move a muscle.

The next day, we got up and had breakfast in the hotel (free and really great I might add!). Then we all got ready for the party ahead. We got dressed, and headed to Howard's OTHER aunt's beautiful home for the party. Their house is beautiful normally but they went all out for Grandma's 80th birthday party...see...

The decor was really beautiful, and that giant fan you see in the corner was keeping it at a very nice temperature despite being 98 degrees that day.

Yes, my brother in law. He's special. He was not into the food at all, and Maddie would not sit still so he took it upon himself to become baby sitter. He literally watched her during the entire meal so Howard and I could eat and chat. I really love that guy.

The beautiful birthday girl. She looked so beautiful, she always does.

Shortly after 4, we headed home. We had a very nice time spending time with his family. Also, his cousin Celeste who has two beautiful boys (ages almost 3 and 1) has decided she is not going to have any more children so she took it upon herself to give us the majority of the too small outfits from her boys. The clothes are beautiful and I cried.

And down will go preggo

So I know I said I would post about our out of town weekend next, but this takes precedence, trust me.
So my parents are moving. Their apartment isn't ready, so they are going to move in with us until it does. Yesterday evening, Howard, myself and the kids ran into Walmart to get drinks, bottled water, a watermelon, things to keep everyone cool during the move. As we were packing up the car my mom calls and asks if one of us can run in and grab her and my dad's prescriptions. Sure.
So, I go back in and as soon as I step on the rug in front of their mini floral department, I see the rug is bent up. I go to step off of it so I don't fall and don't realize there is water coming out from underneath the rug. So what happens?
I go stumbling forward, the rug coming with me. Because I don't exactly have a good balance of gravity seeing how big my belly is, I start to fall. I placed my left hand over my belly and go down on my right knee and right hand. I feel a sharp pain through my knee and roll to my butt.
**Small Backstory: Right knee was blown out in High School when I was dancing. I blew out my knee cap, ripped ligaments and caused myself to have this condition (I cannot for the life of me remember the name) where my knee caps have shifted to the side...like sliding knee caps) End Backstory**
So, needless to say I had a searing pain in my knee, and my neck hurt from the jolt. Parker started moving, so I knew he was ok. I never landed on my abdomen or back, so I knew that he was just sloshed around a bit.
It just so happened that the Assistant Manager of Walmart watched this happen, she was literally a few feet in front of me. Her, and an off duty EMT came over to help me. The EMT asked me if she could do a quick assesment on me, and I agreed. She took my pulse and told me I definitely don't have heart problems because my heart was beating so hard lol. She felt around my neck, shoulders and back and said I'm going to have a bit of whip lash. She felt my chest and abdomen and saw no signs of labor and felt the baby move herself.
By now I had a million Walmart employees standing over me and I was crying and laughing out of embarassment. I said that my husband, mother in law and kids were in the car waiting for me. One asked what we were driving and I gave him a description and I said that he was just rounding the corner (I could see him from the door). The employee says, 'I'll get him!' and took off at a sprint out of the store. They wanted to call 911, but I was so disoriented at the time, I couldn't think. Seconds later Howard came stalking through the door looking mighty upset. I told him what happened, and he immediately told them to call 911, so they did.
Tons of EMT's and Firemen came in and checked me and confirmed what the off duty EMT said. After tons of time, and tons of ER workers later I did have some ripped ligaments and a bit of whip lash.
Oh and Howard called my mom. She flipped and immediately came in and cried. She felt guilty, bless her heart. On the way to get the kids, my mother in law decided to give me a guilt trip on how scared the kids were and how scared she was, and I lost it a bit. Telling her to stop, please stop...while crying. That was NOT pretty. I'll have a giant scare with a large side of GUILT please!

So now I am a one woman circus act. With my huge preggo belly and on crutches.

The mother of all blog posts

Don't ask me why I haven't blogged, because I don't have an answer. I have wanted to, so finally here it goes.
On Thursday, June 18th Howard's company got us tickets to see a Triple A baseball game. We had a blast! The kids loved it (Maddie just got really tired at the end). I got to meet Howard's coworkers. We were in the shade and really did have a lot of fun. My parents came and loved it too. Maddie spent the time going from person to person including those who were not with our part. Yes, she spent half the game in the arms of Howard's bosses wife and daughter. She really liked them. Mackenzie was just fixated on the game, she loved it (that's my girl). By the end of the 4th inning my sister and her family walked right by us. Her kids actually came and sat with us for about 30 minutes. So, I got to spend some random time with my neice and nephew, which was a very unexpected surprise. By the end of the night, my hips were sore I guess from the way I was sitting. By the time we got home, we were exhausted and it was after 10, although we left at the top of the 8th. By touch my hips were so sore, and when I got home I realized why. Somehow I got a 6" bruise on my right hip and a smaller one on my left. It was sore and protruding and red and purple. Absoutely lovely. Oh and the kids are still talking about the 'ball game'.
Friday June 19th Howard and I sat in the doctor's waiting room absoutely bursting with anxious energy. We couldn't stop figiting! We were constantly texting and twittering and I needed to pee SO BAD (Having downed like 4 bottles of water in the past hour and a half). I was really sore because of my bruises from the night before. When they called us in, Howard and I literally jumped from our seats and ran back to the ultrasound room. I felt like I might throw up, literally. I finally laid down and tried to chill while Howard stood over me and refused to sit. The second the wand hit my stomach the tech asked, 'Well, do you want to know what the sex is? I can tell you my first guess right now." I was like, WHAAAAAAAA?! ALREADY?! CRAP! I was afraid to know. I just let my stomach turn and looked at Howard and made him answer her. He said yes and she said that she was pretty sure it was a boy. All the air Howard and I had in our lungs came rushing out. I told her if she was right, I was going to cry. Seconds later, she showed us another shot of a penis then the scrotum. I cried. Howard cried. She went on to keep checking other things, constantly getting shots of his family jewels calming my fears of a false result. Howard had finally sat down and was radiating testosterone when he realized how obvious it was that his son was a boy, lol. He was measuring right on at a foot long and weighing a pound. He looked wonderful. She showed us all of his organs and we got to see him dancing, opening and closing his mouth, and she even showed us a heat sensor of cord blood going back and forth while still showing me the penis (proving it's not the cord between his legs). I practically danced out of that office. We texted and twittered all our friends and called his parents first. His dad played a joke on his mom and said that it was another girl, but when she heard the truth she screamed, 'I TOLD YOU'! My mom instantly started crying with excitement. Kenzie just shrugged her shoulders and said, 'Yeah, I know'. She was so confident. Brat, lol. Maddie just said, 'YAY BABY BRUDDER!' My regular doc appointment went well. The nurses and my doctor sharing our excitement. I gained my first pound, too. I did my one hour glucose test (I had gestational diabetes with the twins, so we assumed I would have it again, so we decided to test early). I failed the first test by the way and am supposed to go in and have the 3 hour one as soon as I can get in there.
Wanna see pictures? *beware baby boy parts below*

This is the first shot she got, I see why she knew it was a boy lol


Here's a shot of the front of his face with his hand under his head.

And here's a picture of his foot and toes.

So yeah, we're having a boy and finally it is starting to set in. We could not be more excited!
Everyone has asked about names. Only my mother in law has said that she didn't like it but if she had it her way our kids would of been named Linda, Dorothy and Howard III. Not that I have anything against those names, but um. no.
Anyway, his name is going to be Parker Philip West. PP...PPW...PW...I know. Everyone has said that, but that still doesn't take away with how much we love the name. It has made me second guess it a bit though, but oh well. Howard came up with Parker, and I love that for a first name. Philip is my Grandfather's name and he's almost 90, doesn't look at day over 60. I hope and pray that I have health as good as he does at 90 when I'm 50!
So, that exciting end of that week was followed by a busy, but great weekend and last week. We have sent in an amended version of our taxes to the IRS which will result in another refund. SCORE, THANKS RENEE! We finally got my grant money from school which we were able to use for some stuff we needed, including some maternity clothes for me that I have to return because they are ALL TOO BIG!! We are going through all of the pink clothes we have and are preparing to ebay it up.
Last weekend was amazing...we went out of town and I took a ton of pictures. However, I think I'm going to end this one for now.

One of those moments

Howard comes in the bedroom chuckling the other day, so I inquire why.

Here's a convo between him and our oldest:
M: I wish my room was closer to you and Mommy's
H: No you don't
M: Yes I do! It's on the other end of the house
(Mind you there's only like 1500 sq ft in this house lol)
H: No, trust me, you don't
M: WHY?
H: Because we're loud
(at this point I gawk at him, hit him in the shoulder and say, HOWARD! OMG! He continues...giggling...)
M: How are you loud?
H: We just are. We stay up late, we watch TV and we giggle...a lot.
(I am red faced laughing at this point, as is he)
M: Oh yeah, you guys would keep me up. Ehh ok.

Oh what it would be like to be 8 again.

sick of me

Do you ever find yourself in a position that you are just sick of yourself?

I'm there!

I am so utterly paranoid I make myself nauseas.

Ok, so, I have said on more then one occasion that I jinx myself so I have kept myself quiet about this for 5 days. Which may not seem like a big deal, but yeah I need to get on with it, annoying myself again.

Monday morning I woke up and I was laying on my stomach. I mean full on, flat on my stomach and I was so comfortable (my normal sleeping position). Naturally, I panicked. I'm not a small person and I am always afraid that I could hurt the baby if I was laying on my stomach which is a no no when you're pregnant anyway. So immediately I rolled over.
Since then I swear movement of the baby has slowed immensely. I do feel an occasional nudge but not like I felt for weeks before hand.

I'm afraid I hurt the baby.

Could the baby of turned so I am not feeling as much movement? Sure
Am I just not feeling the banana size baby? Very possible
Is there any other symptoms of baby in distress? Not that I can tell...still blooming, I can still feel occasional movement, still have pregnancy symptoms.
Am I being paranoid? More then likely
Does it stop me from being worried about this? NOT IN THE LEAST

I know that my experience with the twins has caused me to be a little...ok...a lot more protective and paranoid about the health of my unborn child especially considering how the entire first trimester went.

I'm determined not to utterly freak out about this until I see the baby on the ultrasound next Friday. Yes, I have to wait one more week but unless I find any other symptoms I think that I would look like a psycho paranoid pregnant woman (hello pot, meet kettle) if I took this further with my doctor or at the ER. So I will just have to deal with my paranoia and pray that I am wrong.

Ok, now somebody laugh at me and tell me to chill out, maybe I'll listen!

Oh and...

Lookie!!!

Dads

Howard spent all weekend with the girls. Literally I didn't see him for hours on Saturday because he turned our office into a fort and the girls and him stayed in there, had lunch, colored, made phone calls to grandparents and much more. They had a blast. The girls really needed some daddy time.
This morning I got a phone call that pulled me out of my half conscious sleeping stupor from my mom. My dad FINALLY agreed to go to the hospital. He is always in pain, but will never see a doctor because he is in denial that his melanoma has come back, he has Alzheimer tendencies and he has really bad emphysema. The hospital immediately freaked because his blood pressure was 210/110. They gave him a shot for it then took him for a chest x-ray because he was wheezing constantly. As we've told him, they said that he should be on 100% oxygen all the time and taking breathing treatments for the emphysema. He has a bad bronchitis because of it so they gave him some steroids and antibiotics for that including a rescue inhaler. They also gave him a big shot of morphine for pain and a prescription for pain killers. The mans stubbornness annoys me to no end. We have done everything but tie him up and drag him to a doctor.
Anyone have any rope I can borrow?

so proud

Today is Kenzie's last day of school as a 2nd grader. *tear* She got all emotional on the way to school ((she is sooooooooooo PMSing!)).

Oh and my hubby asked me to make him a blog. After the initial bug eyes calmed down...I made him a blog. *tear* so proud (omg I'm a DORK!)

Bubba's Blog

And a bag of chips

You know how people say that when you want to talk about stuff, start at the beginning...I don't even know where that is at this point. Let's start with the ugly stuff, shall we?
School:
I emailed my Academic Counselor and canceled my Bachelors Program. I know what I'm doing, I swear...I have my reasons. #1- Once I get my Associates I do not want to be affiliated with U of P anymore. It has been a constant struggle and I have seen how they treat their students who are doing well, students that aren't doing well, students that have problems and their EMPLOYEES, OMG! Most of them...are frankly...slow. And not to mention they have driven out the force that is Renee. Renee is the reason that I enrolled in that school, hands down. They have treated her badly for the last time, Thank God! Fuckers. :) I still have financial aid in limbo, I still have an academic council in limbo and I still have a disability claim in limbo. Grand pile of bullshit.
Kids:
Mackenzie's celebrating her last full day of school today by doing a game day...all day. That reminds me, I need to email her teacher and apologize now for the headache the game she brought is going to cause, that thing is loud. She did not do very well for her last assessment tests, but I am confident that she will pull it together. She is so much better with one on one learning and she'll get lots of that this summer. We went to brag night at her school on Thursday and saw the progress she has made this year, we are so proud of her. Maddie is great. She has been rather clingly lately and will be so happy when her sister is home every day. She keeps finding ways to get into markers so she constantly has brown, green and red marks on her hands and legs. She's fast and I waddle lol.
Speaking of waddling...
I'm 19 weeks today. I feel like my stomach is going to melt to the floor, lol. The good doctor told me that the more kids you have the more your stomach muscles get stretched out. Wow, no kidding. In cause of that, I am waddling, especially when I have been on my feet a lot. I have realized that I can no longer handle, cook or eat ANY TYPE OF CHICKEN. At all. If I do, I will get sick...off of a chicken nugget. No joke. Baby hates chicken. I still have 2 weeks until my appointment for the ultrasound. Bleh.
I constantly have the desire to be in water. (gonna get all zodiac on you so beware) I am pretty much a full aquarius and I know that I have a natural pull towards water, always have but this is a little extreme. I keep having dreams that I am swimming or in some body of water. Just floating and considering my buoyancy that wouldn't be difficult at this point.

Pass it on

I am not one to usually send a link to people, but this article is so well written and so well phrased and I could not agree more.

The Big Gay Chip On My Shoulder

Please read it, it's worth every second of your time!

Wordless Wednesday

Frustrations/smiles

I am frustrated by someone elses actions. That's the worst, isn't it? Because I can't control it (oh wow, freak much?) and don't really know what to do about it.
I know someone that I am about 98% certain is faking a pregnancy and it is pissing me off HIGHLY. It doesn't surprise me because this person seems to love attention but I just don't like lies. Especially lies THAT big. I mean, faking a pregnancy, COME ON?! Arg, I could bring it to peoples attentions but I really don't like causing drama, I hate drama, I just don't want to stew on this anymore, lol.

My other frustration lately is my financing for school. Due to an administrative error my student loans and grants are hung up in limbo. I have to wait for the chain of fools *ah hem* to get their ducks in a row. It's majorly late already, who knows how long they will take get it worked out.

Ok, onto other things.
This weekend was a great weekend for Kenzie girl. She got her issues together and was awesome! Because of that she got to spend the night at my moms (her favorite thing IN THE WORLD) and she got half of her toys back! I am so proud of her and really hope that it continues!
7 1/2 more days of school (and the poor kid still has homework, lol)

Beautification

Well I am about done with my beautification project. I still need to make a few more pretties however. I am really happy with the end result. Perfect for summer. :)
Peanut is doing uterine robics today. I mean he is everywhere lol. It feels so cool, it amazes me something as small as a turnip can make such an impact on the different parts of my abdomen AT THE SAME TIME.
I have developed this lovely cough. See, I was hoping I was done with the infection, nah...I think it moved to my lungs. Nice, huh?
Tfft, Kenzie decided to dig herself deeper last night. The child CUT HER HAIR! Eh all kids do that, right? She's 8! And she cut off about an inch chunk off of the VERY FRONT of her hair. It's now about an inch long protruding from THE FRONT of her head. I call her 'spike' now. That kid I swear. Her elevator is not going all the way to the top these days.

NEW and improving

These past few weeks have been completely nuts. I have to break it down into categories to describe it...that's even scarier.
Peanut- 17 weeks today (measuring at over 20 weeks--BIG BABY) Had an OB appointment yesterday. Still no weight gain. Baby's heart beat was 126 (the lowest ANY of my kids have ever had- so I was a bit concerned. Doc said it's perfectly normal and healthy oh and he was asleep). I have been feeling him move now for a few weeks, getting stronger by the day. I had a bit more bleeding about a week and a half ago, so random. My family is on me constantly because of the stress I'm under (I'll get to that later) and not taking it easy enough, but I'm trying! Gender Ultrasound is 6/19. My doc is a little concerned with some minor swelling (had toxemia with Kenzie). Also, he wants to check me for gestational diabetes early to make sure we take proper precautions early on, so that'll be done on the 19th as well. NONE of my clothes fit, still don't have maternity clothes but I'm making it, barely lol. Abnormal cravings for OJ, usually I can't drink it (upsets my stomach) but I can't get enough of it right now.
Kenzie- She's been promoted to the 3rd grade. 2 weeks left of school. She is letting her hair grow out, which makes her look so scruffy. I keep telling her we have to get it trimmed and thinned out to keep it growing. I intend on doing that soon. I really think I need to get her tested for ADD. The older she gets, the more signs I see. Has had some major grounding issues and had a lot of privlages taken away, which I want to cave and give it all back. However, the punishment is working for the problems we're having so we're going to keep at it. Every 5 days if we go through without incident then she gets a privlage back. Work in progress, lol.
Maddie- Atttiude. wow. She is just everywhere. Her meltdowns are epic, we have been using time out more and more lately. BUT IT WORKS! She got sick last week and ended up with a double ear infection and a viral infection. All seems well now. She weighed 31 pounds at the doctor. She is so damn skinny but tall-too tall! We have been working on shapes, colors (she sometimes gets them messed up) and counting. She knows 7 shapes, all colors and can count to 14. We're headed for the ABC's and the potty next. Wish me luck on that.
Howard- been working his butt off. Job still sucks, but at least he has one. He has applied for a bunch of different opportunities that are really great and would fit him well (and would be a nice fitting for our bank account). He is still optimistic about hearing from them, but in this day and age, it's so hard to get a job because everyone, their brother and second cousin twice removed is looking too. He's getting sick right now, because of me. Hopefully it'll blow over soon.

Speaking of being sick, this weekend I started with allergies then ended up with an upper respiratory infection. Still nursing that, ick. Can't take much (nor do I like to for that matter) so treatment has gone s-l-o-w.

I seriously just blanked out for five minutes. Anyhoo- School has been my main stresser lately. My last two classes kicked my butt. They were hard, I was worried about the baby and my health during the hardest times of the class and it really showed in my grade. I definitely lost my 4.0 these two classes, but I'm still passing so I'm grateful for that. I have been accused of...well basically cheating by one of those professors even though the class is over. He says that another student used the same reference material as I did on a project (which I have never spoken to any of my classmates outside the classroom) so I am facing a hearing from the academic ethics committee. Yeah, looking forward to that. So that just adds to the stress pile. I love my two new classes, although one teacher and I have already had a little rift, I still love the classes. Well...strike that. Love one class, love the other classes instructor. I hate communictions classes, thank God this is my last one! So I am hoping that this ethics committee thing goes down in my favor and they don't decide to kick me out of school or something. I was also asked by a member of the committee if I wanted to be counted as a disabled student because of my high risk pregnancy. I don't know what that all entails so I haven't said yes or no. Once I speak to Renee, I will decide on that. If the committee thinks it's necessary then I'll do it for sure and I don't think they would of recommended it otherwise. Also, it may just be the responsible thing to do.

Woah, did anyone just feel that? I think the growl from my stomach just caused a minor earth quake.

Alright, now that I have typed my nails off let me close with this, as you can see I am attemping to beautify my blog. I am very excited about this, and have been wanting to FOREVER. So, stay tuned.

busy busy busy

I am no longer bleeding. So, I am off of bed rest, officially for the past week. I'm supposed to take it easy (which I have, to an extent) but at least I am not confined to the bed. I went to the grocery store for the first time in almost a month and by the time we were done I felt like my feet were going to fall off, lol.
I would like to say I am feeling so much better but the truth is that isn't the case. Truth be told I am HAPPIER...but not necessarily 'better'. I am still having morning sickness although it is not every day, like it usually was the past few weeks so that's promising. I am starting to actually look pregnant, and I'm not sure how I feel about that, lol. I mean I think pregnant women are beautiful but I haven't bought any maternity clothes yet so I'm kinda in between sizes phase and I have very little to wear. Fun times.
Speaking of nothing to wear...this weekend my BFF's having her baby shower for her 2nd son. I cannot wait to go! I haven't bought her gift yet, I wanted to get her something substantial off of her registry list and wanted to wait a bit and see the other things that have been purchased. Also this weekend (Sunday to be exact) our dear friend (and counselor extrodinare) Renee is getting married. We are really looking forward to her wedding and are so glad she invited us (Thanks Renee!!).
Last Sunday I got to finally go back to church. I must of cried 4 times in those 2 hours. I really missed church. It was an enriching service and I felt so at peace when I left.
Hmm, I just randomly found another sticker on my laptop that I had never taken off. Odd. Anyway...You can see where my attention span is these days. I have none. :)

Foto Friday

Profile picture

Front view. The two globes on the top are his brain. His arm is under his head and the 5 little dots above his tummy are toes.


Here is a view from the top of the head with a view of both hands.

Spot, Flood, Rest, Repeat

I'm going to update finally because I miss my outlet and its been long enough. Since a few days after my last post I've been bleeding. I had an ultrasound on the 31st that showed an enthusiastic little chicken nugget dancing around my uterus. And the heart beat looked good-No signs of problems. On April 2nd I was still spotting and saw my doctor. They did a high def ultrasound and saw that I had 2 other eggs that had been released but were disintegrating (yeah, I could of had triplets, I almost fainted). My right ovary dropped all 3 eggs and it was slightly swollen but still within normal range. Peanut was still dancing, heart rate at 167. Estimated due date: November 1st. Doctor examined me and said he was not too concerned about the spotting, just the extra eggs disposing of themselves or implantation bleeding. Ok.
No spotting over the weekend. Went to Academy on Monday, the 6th to get miss Mack and Howard new shoes. I felt restless, anxious, couldn't stop moving! Once we got back to the car, I kind of relaxed and we drove a few blocks to go look at new cell phones. I go to get out of the car and I feel wetness.
*tmi from this point on*

I'm bleeding profusely through my jeans. Its everywhere. I panic, tell Howard and quickly loads the kids in the car. I immediately call my parents, tell them what's going on and we are bringing the kids to them right now. We drop off the kids, my Mom calls my doc who says to go to the nearest hospital and I lose it. I was crying before the kids left but now I'm a basket case! I was convinced of a miscarriage. My basket caseness scared my husband to death. He kept asking me if I was in pain, which I wasn't-at all!
We get to the hospital and I get checked in. My blood pressure is sky high- 182/110. I'm scared. After talking to one of the sweetest nurses possible, I calmed down a little. Then I see the blood when I take my clothes off and really get freaked out. Finally I see a doc and he does an exam on me. There's a lot of blood but he sees no active bleeding. He asked the nurse for clamps and she hands him forceps and my husbands eyes got bigger then dinner plates! He used it to pull out a large blood clot that they said had no tissue in it, so that's good. My cervix didn't seem open, so that's good too. But we need lots of blood work and a major ultrasound.
Got blood work done, waited an hour and a half finally the ultrasound tech came in. Within seconds of the ultrasound starting, Howard relaxed and cried. I couldn't see the screen but finally they told me that the baby is moving, heart is beating and he looks fine. I cried, prayed and cried some more. After almost a 2 hour ultrasound that left me feeling sore, bruised but so relieved they told me they don't know what happened. They don't know why I'm bleeding, but the baby and I seem to be fine. Will we stay fine? They have no idea. But right then they statused me with 'attempted miscarriage' and put me on 100% bedrest. Oh and my blood pressure was back to normal when I left there.
Tuesday April 7th- had another high def ultrasound at my doctors office. Still bleeding profusely and am passing clots on a regular basis. Other eggs are gone, baby still great, sees no problems. Very confused tech. She's shocked at the amount I'm bleeding but can't tell where its coming from. Finally, I see my doc. I explain everything again and he tells me he believes I'm experiencing something called a 'Venus pool'. A Venus pool is when the placenta attaches itself to the uterus and because it kind of digs into the uterus sometimes there can be some scar tissue, uterine lining or blood between the uterus and placenta and to get rid of it the body flushes it out so it won't hurt the baby or placenta. Ok. It shouldn't cause any pain, and it will go away. Until then, I'm on 100% bedrest until the bleeding has been gone for 24 hours.
It's been 2 weeks and 2 days. Most days its like a light period but I also have excessive bleeding period days with clotting. Not fun. I went 15 hours with no blood about 8 days ago. I cried like a baby when it came back.
There are days when I feel like I'm fighting the inevitable, that my body is trying to get rid of the baby and I can't stop it. And some days I feel so pregnant I can't believe I'm only 12 weeks.

I've missed so much- church, Easter activities, Kenzie's birthday party, school events, Howard's birthday, shopping- and yeah I know that sounds weird but I can't go anywhere!!
My school work is slacking with late assignments and very unsympathetic instructors. Some of my friends think I abandoned them.
I'm depressed. Wasn't this pregnancy supposed to be easy?

So, there's my commentary from my pillow. Next appointment with my doc is Friday the 24th. I hope I don't attack him with my crazy hormones and depressedness.

knock on fireproof wood

I had some stressful days last week but of course it all worked out and things are fine now. Last week was murder on the school front. The two classes I am taking right now are not easy. I just got bombarded with assignments and thought I might throw my laptop at multiple points. I felt myself getting burned out. I have pulled out of it...slightly. I know without a doubt that my 4.0 will no longer be there by the time these classes are done. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing ok. No 4.0 though lol.
As for the job issue- still no word. I am still irked about it. To be honest, I quit thinking about it. Until someone brings it up, asking if I have heard anything and I immediately answer with a sharp, 'no'. I don't mean to be sharp, just a sensitive subject right now.
Mackenzie's 8th birthday was on Saturday (March 21st). We spent the whole day with her doing things she wanted to do which mostly consisted of a very long trip to Gatti Land. Then we went to my moms for a small surprise party and BBQ for her. She was so excited! She did have a good birthday. She hasn't had her party yet because of spring break. Which I must say, I'm sorry is over. I missed her like crazy today.
Maddie's doing...ok. She's still insane and so incredibly funny. She had a rough night last night and a rough day today but is fast asleep right now and probably will be all night *knock on wood* (what?! can't be too careful!).
We rented two movies this weekend. Baby Mama which was a little slow but very cute and Fireproof. Wow, Fireproof. Acting left something to be desired, but the message...wow. Loved the message, and felt more whole after just comprehending it. It's a beautiful movie based on Love, Christianity, family and the love that God has for us. See it!

Deep breaths...

All the sudden, the weight of this whole week just came pouring down like a ton of bricks on me. I have been so stressed this week and have held it all in. And now it's radiating out of my pores!! I am trying to get a grip.

Scared for nothing?

I have never been so scared of the possibility of getting a job in my life. This is a wonderful opportunity that I have brought upon myself that I am being seriously considered for. It could mean wonderful things for my future career and my family. It could help us in so many ways. But I’m not sure I want it anymore. No, that’s not true, I do want it. I just don’t want it right now. Ever since finding out I was pregnant all I can think about is if this pregnancy is going to be high risk because of losing Morgan. How many babies are in there? Can I handle a full time, EXTREEMLY overbearing and stressful job while I’m pregnant? I am so scared I cannot even tell you.
I got relieved when they hadn’t called me or anyone in over a week. Thinking they found someone better and I was getting the brush off. But they called again. Not me, but Howard. It makes me sick to think about the possibility of my schedule if I get this job. I do NOT want to be a part time mom to my infant. Period. That is not me. Howard and I have had issues in the past where we do not want to have kids to have strangers or babysitters raise them while I work, it just doesn’t sit well with me, or him. And to think that may happen, scares me so badly.
I don’t want to talk to anyone about this because I fear that they will be disappointed in me but this is ALL I THINK ABOUT since I found out I was pregnant. Now that the shock has worn out, I am so excited about this pregnancy. I want this baby so badly, and I am so scared that something will go wrong like it did with Morgan. Granted, I don’t have any reason to feel that way. I don’t even know how many babies are in there. I just know I’m pregnant, I feel very pregnant, and I am supposedly 8 weeks along.
I want to tell my loved ones how I feel, but I know my mom’s response will be, ‘Don’t worry I’ll be here!’ Yeah, I know you will be, but guess what? I want to raise my baby! I don’t want to leave Maddie, and I already have lost so much time with Kenzie while she is at school, I don’t want to lose more.
This keeps me up at night, when eventually I will pass out with exhaustion.
I have experienced this before. When Kenzie was a year old, I got a very hectic full time job and the reaction I had as Mackenzie’s mother was terrible. She never listened to me anymore, she never even acknowledged me let alone called me mommy. Yeah, she called my mom Mommy. That hurt. Petty, I know, but it did.
If they call me and offer me the job I will be tempted to decline the job because of these reasons. However, I want this opportunity so bad maybe I should just accept it, work through my pregnancy and then take a leave of absence when the baby comes. I don’t know why I’m stressing about this when I haven’t even been offered the job.

Torn

Pregnancy has been confirmed. They suspect that I am 8 weeks already and my due date is October 20th. I think that's a little off, but once we have an ultrasound we'll be more sure. I am scheduled to go back on the 31st of March to have an ultrasound.

I am a little torn right now about my activities occurring on Thursday.
My mom is going to court, and because she cannot drive (her license is suspended). Her neighbor was going to take her originally but now they are not getting along so well, so I think I may need to take her.
The problem with that is I am supposed to be chaperoning at Mackenzie's field trip to the Texas History Museum that day. Slight problem, because I cannot be two places at once. (oh Hermione, can I borrow your time turner?).
I do NOT want to be absent during Kenzie's field trip but my mom HAS to go to court. I guess my first step is to talk to my mom and see if I actually do need to take her. If I do, I am going to have one disappointed 2nd grader on my hands.

**Update- I have to take her to court. I've been on the phone with my husband all day trying to figure out ways to make it up to her this weekend.

And so it begins

A very busy week and a new...development.

Kenzie's sleepover went great. She came home, exhausted and an absolute mess with a paper bag full of candy, a weird blow up animal and a kite. She called about 3 times while she was there, but did very well.

I am pretty certain that no one from my actual family reads this so I am going to go ahead and blurt this out...
These past few weeks have been very hectic, as you can tell. This past week I have been having a lot of stomach issues. Constantly feeling like I may throw up at any second, lots of heartburn, ect. Not pretty. So, with this going on my husband asks me when AF came for a visit last. Um. January 15th I believe. It is not abnormal for me to be super late or not have a period at all. Hence why we struggled with infertility for three years then got pregnant with twins when we decided to stop trying. I have a loopy cycle and always have. Howard was convinced without a doubt that I was pregnant. I thought he was nuts, truly. He told my mother about his suspicions and on Saturday when I went to my parents house, she handed me a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes and reminded them about my cycle and the stress I've been under, and they just stood there lookin' all smug.
Sunday morning I slept in...big time! I slept through my alarm and missed church and totally was still passed out at 11am!!!! That is really not like me, at all! Maddie was still passed out, but she went to bed after midnight, so that didn't shock me. What did shock me is my husband getting up and setting up the pregnancy test for me, then waking me up completely and telling me to test. I was truly annoyed.
No sooner did I take the test and set it on the counter when the first line got dark and fast. Then the test correction line lit up, much lighter then the other line. Woah, wait...2 lines?! I almost ripped the bathroom door of it's hinges and screamed, 'THERE'S 2 LINES!! I'M PREGNANT!' Howard just smiled. I jumped on the bed holding the test pratically shoving it in his face thinking I am absoutely nuts. Nope, not nuts. Pregnant. After calling my Mom, my 2 BFF's my husband made me recall every symptom I've had and for how long.
-Nausea
-Heartburn
-Indegestion
-Swollen...chest
-My body shape has changed, like huge! I've thinned out around the ribs and waist and am fuller on my hips (God help me)
-REALLY sensitive skin
-Creepy grow a lot nails
-Weird hair condition
-Like major sleep issues (I want to nap every second and I am sleeping so much harder then usual)

Holy crap a batman, I'm pregnant.

So, all day Sunday my husband ran around with a grin on his face like an evil little boy and did happy dances singing, 'Go me, Go me'. Seems someone was trying without me. He's ecstatic. My parents, of course were nothing but excited and supportive. Kenzie is so beyond happy! She hugged me and cried. Maddie just looked at me and said, 'No'. Typical. Howard's parents did the typical. Said it better be a boy and didn't share any excitement. Not surprised at their reaction at all though.

So today at 10am I'm going in as a walk in to a doc and getting it confirmed. According to the due date calculators and things like that on the net, I am due right before Halloween and I am almost 7 weeks pregnant. For the chinease gender predicition charts, I was right in the middle of a boy and a girl month so I have no idea (and I do believe in these because so far it has been completely accurate for my pregnancies).

Oh and if you are wondering about why I said the thing about my family ^ there. Well, none of them know. Just my parents and Howard's parents.

So yeah, I'm pregnant. My week just got more hectic, ha!

Random crap

I'm feeling a lot better about the whole Spanish inquisition thing that occurred yesterday. Yeah it was embarrassing, but I'm pretty much over it. I'm also not stressing about the job anymore which is frankly concerning considering I stress about everything. ((I'm so high strung, someone put me out of my misery!))

Totally random, but I so cannot spell today. I've already misspelled occurred, embarrassing and concerning.

Anyway- Kenzie has her first sleepover tonight. I am super nervous about it. I totally trust the parents, I wouldn't trust anyone else with her that's for sure. I know she is going to have a blast. It's just those mom jitters that anyone with a child or a pet knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I am so glad this week is over, but then again I'm like 'waitttttttt! slow down!' Next week is going to be MURDER! With a project due for Kenzie, 4 assignments due for me, a field trip, a court case, and a 'Rodeo Day' at school I'm going to need hard liquor for the next few days.

Beware-I'll puke on you!

Have you ever had to sit in a boardroom and explain in intimate details every relationship you have with your family, siblings and husband?
Have you ever had to sit and describe and explain every brush with the law that anyone in your life currently has had?
Have you ever had to defend your horrible credit?

DID I MENTION TO A PERFECT STRANGER?!?!?!

I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. She was a very nice girl, but the things she asked me literally made my stomach lurch as I talked about them.
If I didn't want this job so bad, I would of walked out.

After all of this, I BETTER GET THIS JOB!

I love you

Name at least 20 inanimate objects that you LOVE- in no particular order

1. Grape bubbalicious bubble gum. ((seriously it's the best thing on EARTH!))
2. True Blood fan fic ((I am soooo addicted!))
3. Strawberry Banana Smoothies
4. Snow! ((mainly the idea of seeing my children play in it))
5. My Mix CD's
6. 'Green sauce' ((Mixture of chilies, avocados, sour cream and cream cheese-perfection!))
7. The Backyardagains ((SOOOO adorable, I watch them without my kids))
8. Celebrity Gossip
9. The idea of moving to the North East Coast
10. Craft Stores ((I heart Michaels, Hobby Lobby and Garden Ridge))
11. Sims ((I'm counting the minutes for Sims 3))
    
12. Football!
13. Swimming ((even though I hate the heat))
14. Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets
    
15. Vampire Novels
    
16. Diana Palmer ((Yes, she is not in inanimate object, but her books are))
17. A whole day scrapbooking *heaven*
18. Shrimp ((Can you tell I like food?))
19. MY Canon EOS Digital Rebel ((No, I don't own one, but it's still mine. :( It will be one day!))
    
20. Gorjuss Art
    

Sooo, I am going to tag Miss Kimm, Mo, Renee and Colleen

Buzz...

I'm going to start out with the update, no updates. I really don't have anything to update on. I still haven't heard about the job, but it's been a week yesterday so I'm just trying to be patient.

Speaking of Jobs, Howard's sucks. Don't get me wrong it's one of the easiest jobs on earth but the company is failing. There is also a moral issue Howard is dealing with considering he just found out that 5 of the current employees are leaving the company within the next 2 weeks because of a raise freeze or a change in their employment (such as having to now pay for health insurance and getting dropped from salary to hourly pay). Also, he figured out that his boss is profit sharing which is illegal.

I am done with my second class, and I haven't relieved my final grade yet so I'm anxious about that. I started 2 classes on Monday. I'm a little overwhelmed but I think once I get organized I'll be ok.

The next few weeks are going to be so hectic! We have birthday parties, school projects, countless assignments, field trips, appointments, sleepovers, court dates and an hour loss of sleep per night to boot.

Just this week alone (Wednesday-Saturday) we have a school project, 4 assignments for me, 4 assignments for Howard and a sleepover. Don't even get me started on next week!

The lull

Ok so the jinxing got worse. There is nothing better then a 3:30am Jail phone call.
That did get worked out, thank God.
The next few days were the norm. Nothing overly special. I was being pulled into the jailbirds drama, but got out successfully, relatively untouched.

Saturday was an awesome day. We woke up and it was cold and windy. I had a roast cooking overnight to do pulled pork so the whole house smelled heavenly all day! We wanted to get out of the house so we took the girls to the park. Everyone said they'd get sick, but they're fine lol. We had a blast. Then we came home and an hour after we got home, we realized that the oven had been turned off. Nice, huh?! Anyway, so that set us back for 2 more hours. During those last hours my mother in law called the husband and asked if we wanted company. So, they came up and spent the night. It was nice to see them but I was so ready for them to leave. I love my mother in law but there was not a sentence that came out of her mouth that she wasn't complaining about SOMETHING. That really weighs on you after hours of it.

I finished my final project and got it turned in, which was a huge relief.

So something I didn't really let out-
My board interview went wonderful. I was way too honest and had them laughing within minutes. They seemed to like me because they asked me to wait out in the lobby while they talked, immediately called me back in, shook my hand and said 'Congratulations! We'd love to move on with the process with intention to hire' what?what?WHAT?! YAY!!! I was so excited! So now they are doing a background check on me (which I am happy to say is nothing but bad credit and a minor accident in '02). I was told that I should hear back by the Background Officer within a week. That will be Tuesday. So...time will tell.

weally wate wordless wednesday

Why do I jinx myself?

I always do it. And I mean ALWAYS.
I say one thing then something (usually beyond my control) proves otherwise and makes me look like a fool (um, newsflash, you do that all on your own K!)
Anyhoo-
Today I finally got around to watching this weeks episode of Big Love (I *heart* HBO). Well, from the moment I saw Sarah and Bill talking in the car about going on a dad/daughter date night I got teary. Then Margine's mom blew away and I cried. Then the whole 'finding birth control pills' scene got me crying as well. I actually wanted to hug Nicki when she admitted that they were hers. I shed a tear for Bill as he tried to find God in a heavenly place known to Mormons. Then when Sarah lost the baby. I lost it. All control. I mean all out SOBBING! Then seeing her parents hug her and support her through her loss, oh I was done for. I cried at least 15 minutes after the show was over.
I'm sitting on the couch, knowing I need to go wake up Maddie so we can go get Kenzie from school and I feel wiped. I mean like every ounce of energy that I had came out in those tears. I didn't even have the strength to get up from the couch. Then, I heard a little voice say, 'Mommmmmmmmmmie!' So of course I get up, put on a genuine smile (which is not hard to do when you're looking at your children) and go get her. We head off to go get Kenzie. As I was sitting at a stop light I twittered about my big cry to my good friend Kimm. She then told me that she has those moments too and like and said she was sorry that I was having a bad day. I contradicted her and said, I'm actually having a great day, good week and a pretty good month at that.
Her school is about 4 miles from our house. I'm about blocks from her school when I see a woman with platinum blonde hair and Chanel sunglasses that is holding 3 leashes. 2 for her rather large and fluffy dogs and the other for her bright green parrot. No, I was not high. I swear.
Half a block later, I hear a ding on my dash and I look down. My temperature gage is all the way on high and my water temp alarm is going off. Seriously?! (mind you it was 85 degrees here today and humid...wow!) Anyway, I pull into the parent pickup line, roll down the windows and immediately cut the motor. I call Howard and tell him to get himself to the school like now. He tells me to get out of line as soon as I can, go park and pick up Kenzie. Great, ok.
So I do that, and I walk up and the snooty teacher who has known me for five years, and knows my car just broke down tells me that she will not release my child to me even though she is holding my hand. She says I need to walk around the school and pick her up in the office. Thanks Ms. Jackass, I'll say a prayer for your inconsideration and unkindness tonight. Anyway, So I walk around the school holding a screaming toddler, wade through a ton of children and finally get my daughter. Howard passes us as we are walking back to the van. We find a compassionate neighbor and he lets us use his hose and gives his 2 cents. {{by the way dude, you were right!}}
We are able to get back to the house with no action once so ever with the mom mobile. Howard does an inspection and sees that it's the water pump and thermostat. Luckilly it wasn't very expensive. Score!
So we are working this situation out when Howard brings up that I was called in to work in the church nursery tonight. Crap. We do not have a car that can make it that distance so I can get there. I feel horrible, but what can I do?! Howard gave me this whole schpeal on how I should be true to my word and my responsibility to the church (which I do take very seriously). So, he wants me to take either one of two vehicles one with no brakes and the other with a huge battery problem that are not supposed to be driven more then 10 miles...oh with both of our children too. Nice, huh? I let him have it. How dare he try to make me feel guilty on something I was trying to do out of the goodness of my heart and I have no means of doing it right now. I mean, I was ANGRY! He of course apologized, and I called the church and explained. I felt horrible, but I did not have a choice in the matter.
So, now it is almost midnight and I am exhausted. Kids are asleep, and husband is half asleep. Which by the way I now have a new water pump, thermostat and got my oil changed by the guilt tripper. Which he did apologize for profusely by the way. Still. Butthole.

Moral of the story: Quit saying things are good, when they can always go wrong. That applies to EVERY aspect of my life. Not just cars. Kids too. But that's a whole 'nother entry.

Overwhelmed

Ok so I got all my assignments done and turned in no problem. Presentation is still not done and it's due Sunday. To be honest I haven't even opened it in two weeks!
Today I had the written exam for the positions that I applied for at the Police Department. I did the written exam and got a 96.8 on it. It took about 2 1/2 hours to do it, so my brain was on hyper drive. Then they decided to tell us all that if we want to continue the process we needed to go with them and take the Computer/field knowledge test. I got a 94.77 on that, oh and it also took 2 hours. THEN I had to shadow a Telecommunications Operator which so happens that I got to shadow who will be my boss if I get the job. She was awesome and taught me a lot in the 2 1/2 hours I was with her.
So, when I was supposed to be back by 11am...I didn't end up getting to my moms to pick up my kids until 3:30!!!
When I got there I thought my brain was going to outright explode. Such a huge amount of information to soak in such a short duration.

Once I got to my moms Kenzie went outside to play with her BFF while I talked to my parents about the job and half assed watched Oprah's Oscar After Party. When it was time to leave, I walked outside to get Kenzie. She wasn't there. She is normally allowed to go across the small parking lot to the gazebo because it's in direct line with my parents apartment. No Kenzie, no BFF. I look at the park, no Kenzie, no BFF. I call BFF's mom, she had no idea where they were so of course she starts panicking too. Both my parents, myself and Vickie (Bff's mom) start looking for them, calling their names trying to find them. Low and behold they were behind the apartment office sitting in an alcove where a coke machine is. Those girls are so beyond grounded I cannot even tell you.

We got home and came to our apartment office to sign our lease and the management apparently clocked out early without doing anything, saying anything or having the courtesy to call even though WE HAD AN APPOINTMENT! We sat outside for half an hour waiting. No show.

Once we all got home, after 5pm, Howard started homework with Mackenzie. Maddie was so happy to have TV she was hypmotized and I started to get together all the paper work I needed, trying to get a free credit report, trying to get my hands on a transcript and then holding Maddie because she was getting hungry. That was all done by almost 7. By the end of that my nose started to bleed. I was getting overwhelmed with everything and literally felt my blood pressure rise.

Then Howard got a HORRIBLE grade for an assignment that he AND I spent 3 HOURS DOING! I helped him and worked my ass off and he got a horrible grade. I felt terrible and started to cry. So now I am crying, bleeding, nose is running...I am such a mess.

I finally calm down, feed my family and no sooner does Maddie get out of her high chair then she falls and hits her cheek hard. It starts to swell and hear come the tears. Both of ours.

Now the kids are quiet and I'm about to do some cleaning (more like throwing away).

Oh...forgot to mention that tomorrow I am going BACK to the department to have an oral board interview. FUN! I am nervous about it, not because I am facing a firing squad, but the amount of paperwork I need to bring them {they want copies of like EVERYTHING, credit report, marriage license, certified copy of my birth certificate, ect.} I have two file folders full. I am so nervous that I might not have the 'right type' of information. Meaning, my college transcript I do not have, considering the notice they gave me it was impossible to get. Also my credit sucks...lol.

Gettin my nerd on

I figured while my kids are being slightly good, I would blog about what's been going on. I'm on my last week of my current class and I start my IT classes on March 2nd. I'm very excited, I'm actually taking my tech classes. I'm such a nerd.
Today I have a paper to write, 2 assignments to do and my presentation to do for my final. I've been working on the presentation for a few weeks now but I need to wrap it up and get it turned in.

On Monday I applied for two jobs at a local police department. Yeah, I know it freaked me out a little too. But considering I am trying to work in IT security or Cyber crime, it would be awesome to have that experience under my belt. Anyway, after I applied for both jobs, I got emails stating they wanted me to fill out a 45 page application. Took me hours, but I got it done and turned into them. Within 24 hours they emailed me the details to take the written Officer's test. I'm scheduled to take it on Monday. Just to make sure what to expect, I went to the Department and asked for a study guide. As she handed it to me she said, 'Congratulations, as of right now you are listed as a potential officer.' *GULP*

I am so excited because these both are jobs I am more then qualified for and would be really good on a resume. It's also not far from home, pays well, has amazing benefits and the hours are really good too.

Yeah, I'm excited.

All hail Kristin the cockroach slayer!

The following is a conversation that happened on the phone and on Twitter in the past few minutes.

@kristinwest Holy Crap!! Worlds biggest cockroach!!
howardwest to @kristinwest Do what?
@kristinwest AHHHH IT'S ALIVE!
howardwest to @kristinwest kill it. kill it NOW!
kristinwest to @howardwest that's your job!
howardwest to @kristinwest well I'm not there am I? lol
kristinwest to @howardwest Well get your ass home and kill it!
howardwest to @kristinwest um I cant
Niqua416 to @kristinwest OMG RUN!!! :'(

---Howard and I's phone call---
And why the hell not?!
I'm already 5 miles south of you and...
THEN TURN AROUND AND COME KILL IT!
I actually have a big day today.
ARRRGGGG!!
It hasn't really moved all that much, just twitched every now and then.
Where is it?
Under the bar, by the kitchen. Maddie's hungry and I told her to wait while I kill devil bug. *groans*
I'll tell you what you need to do...
*groans*
...put on my house shoes and grab another shoe. Hit it with the other shoe and if....
AHHHHHHHHH! IT MOVED!!!!!
*laughs* if it moves then just start jumping around and kill it.
But then I have to get close to it to kill it...
*laughs*
DON'T LAUGH! THIS IS YOUR JOB!
I'm sorry baby.
*deep breaths* Ok, I'm hanging up now.

@kristinwest Kristin, don't think about it just do it! {yes, I was twittering TO MYSELF!}

---And now for the massacre----
*creeps toward cockroach, is about 2 feet from it*
*shudders*
*runs back*
*deep breath*
*goes towards roach again*
*strikes* {cockroach's butt falls off}
*takes a step back*
*strikes again* {cockroach in half}

@kristinwest ALL HAIL KRISTIN THE COCKROACH KILLER!
kristinwest to @Niqua416 I cannot even tell you how freaked out I just was!
howardwest @kristinwest Good for you baby!
@kristinwest Mopping up cockroach goo
Niqua416 to @kristinwest Oh no, I can imagine. They scare the crap out of me, my one HUGE reason for not wanting to move back to the city, lol.
kristinwest to @Niqua416 I need a drink. I'm totally blogging this lol


Cockroack 0 Kristin 1
Kiss my ass cockroach----ehhh better not.